The holidays are often portrayed as joyful, cozy and magical but for many families, they can also be overwhelming. Between disrupted routines, overstimulation, family dynamics and unspoken expectations, both children and parents can feel emotionally stretched. Joy and frustration often show up together. That doesn’t mean something is wrong, it just means everyone is human.
Children don’t yet have the fully developed brains to regulate big emotions on their own. When their nervous systems become overloaded by noise, disappointment, exhaustion or social pressure, they flip into fight, flight or freeze. What they need most in those moments isn’t a consequence or quick fix, they need connection and co-regulation.
At the same time, parents may be carrying their own stress: financial strain, full schedules, perfection pressure or unresolved family tensions. When a child melts down over a broken cookie or the wrong socks, even a loving parent can feel themselves reaching the edge.
These moments are hard and yet, they’re also where emotional learning happens. How we respond as parents shapes how our children understand themselves, others and relationships. When families move through the messy parts with compassion rather than shame, kids learn to do the same and that’s where resilience begins.
When There’s Disappointment
Gift-giving is often where big expectations meet big emotions. Maybe your child didn’t get the gift they were hoping for. Or their sibling got something they secretly wanted. Or they open a present and say, “This isn’t what I wanted.”
In that instant, many parents feel a pang of embarrassment, frustration or hurt. It can feel like a lack of gratitude and our instinct is to correct it: “Say thank you.” “You should be grateful!”
But when we jump straight to teaching gratitude, we sometimes miss what’s really happening underneath. Most often, this isn’t about entitlement, it’s about disappointment. Your child can feel thankful for receiving a gift and still wish it were something different. Those two emotions can coexist.
When we misinterpret disappointment as ungratefulness, we risk shaming kids for being honest about a very normal human experience. But when we pause and make space for both feelings: gratitude and disappointment, joy and sadness, we help them develop emotional flexibility.
You might try saying: “You were really hoping for something else. It’s okay to feel disappointed and we can still show appreciation for what we’re given.”
That balance—empathy first, teaching second—is where real emotional learning happens.
Practical Strategies for Supporting Kids Through Holiday Emotions
Strategy #1: Pause Before Responding. Take a breath, soften your shoulders and speak slowly. Your calm nervous system is the most powerful tool in the room.
Strategy #2: Name the Feeling, Not the Behaviour. Try: “You’re really disappointed your cousin got the gift you wanted.” This helps kids feel understood, which lowers emotional intensity.
Strategy #3: Connection Before Correction. Problem-solving works best after a child feels safe. Once calm, you can talk about gratitude, tone of voice or kindness.
Strategy #4: Repair When Needed. If you snap, it’s okay. Try: “I was feeling overwhelmed and I yelled. I’m sorry. I love you, and I want to try again.”
Simple Scripts for Tricky Moments
• Gift Disappointment: “You were really hoping for something different. It’s okay to feel upset.”
• Overwhelmed in a Busy House: “There’s a lot happening right now. Let’s take a quiet break together.”
• Sibling Conflict: “You both want the same toy. I won’t let anyone get hurt. Let’s figure this out.”
• When a Parent Loses Patience: “I’m feeling overwhelmed too. I’m going to take a breath so I can help better.”
