It was 3 pm on a Tuesday, and I was one sarcastic eyeroll away from losing it. My kids were bickering, my to-do list felt like it had multiplied overnight and I hadn’t even thought about dinner. I remember sitting in my car for exactly 90 seconds, feeling my shoulders drop, and suddenly having the patience and presence I wanted to bring to my family.
That moment changed everything.
Here’s what I know from talking to so many parents: we’re not lazy for not meditating for 30 minutes a day. We’re busy. And we’re also drowning in the myth that self-care must be a luxury ritual with candles and quiet time. The truth? You don’t need a meditation pillow or an empty house. You need intentional pauses—tiny moments woven through your day that remind you who you want to be.
The Real Problem: Our Best Selves Show Up Only 20 Percent of the Time
Most of us don’t realize that even when we want to be at our best, we only access that version of ourselves about 20 percent of the time. The other 80 percent? We’re running on autopilot, driven by what the Positive Intelligence® framework labels “Saboteurs”—those inner voices that push us to overachieve, control everything, people-please, obsess over our to-do lists or get restless for something more. Sound familiar?
That harsh inner critic telling you you’re not doing enough? That’s the Judge, the loudest Saboteur of them all. And it gets really loud during the holiday season.
The good news? There’s science behind this: new neural pathways become visible on MRI imaging within eight weeks of practice. Shirzad Chamine, a Stanford researcher, developed the Positive Intelligence® framework to help us access our “Sage”—that calmer, more present version of ourselves that leads with curiosity and compassion instead of fear and judgement.
The 10-Second Game Changer
Let me introduce you to PQ® Reps—micro-practices that take literally 10 seconds. These are your secret weapon, especially when you’re buried in holiday chaos.
Pick one:
• Feel your coffee cup. Notice the warmth on your palms. Really feel it. That’s it. You’re present.
• Smell something with intention. The pine tree outside. Your kid’s shampoo. Your own hand cream. Breathe it in fully.
• Focus on your daughter’s hair (or look at anything as if you’d never seen it before—your own hand, a leaf, your partner’s face). Just observe.
• Listen to a specific sound. The hum of the fridge. A bird outside. Your kid’s laugh. Really tune in.
These tiny moments snap you out of the hamster wheel. They’re like internal reset buttons that remind your nervous system: I’m safe. I’m here. I can breathe.
The 2-Minute Practice That Actually Works
When you have a little more time, try this:
Focus on your breathing. Notice the air coming into your nostrils—it’s slightly cooler. Then the air leaving your nostrils—it’s slightly warmed. That’s all. Don’t change anything. Just observe. Two minutes (not even!) of this, and your whole nervous system recalibrates with the PQ® approach.
Sounds too simple? Try it when you’re about to snap at your teenager and then tell me it doesn’t work.
When the Holidays Get Loud
The reality is this: our Saboteurs don’t just get louder in November through January—they throw a full party. The Judge tells us we’re not doing enough. The Controller demands we orchestrate the perfect holiday (gifts, decorations, matching PJs…). The Pleaser says yes to everything and doesn’t want to disappoint anyone. The Restless part keeps looking for the next thing instead of savouring what’s in front of us.
And then comes January with its “New Year, New You” energy, and we pile on more pressure. But what if, instead of adding more to your plate, you just paused? What if you checked in with your intention and said, “Actually, I’m good. I showed up. That’s enough.”
This framework isn’t about becoming someone else. It’s about becoming more of who you already are—the patient version, the present version, the version that enjoys your kids instead of just managing them.
The Invitation
You’ve got this. You don’t need a meditation retreat (although that would be nice!). You need a coffee cup, a breath and 10 seconds.
The beauty of accessing your Sage, even in tiny doses, is that it compounds. After six to eight weeks, you’ll notice your kids are calmer around you. You’re quicker to laugh instead of snap. You’re present instead of mentally three tasks ahead.
That’s not magic. That’s neural rewiring. That’s you, finally, showing up as the parent you always knew you could be. Start today, 10 seconds at a time.
