Have you ever wondered:
“Is my child’s behaviour typical?”
“Is their development on track?”
“Could my child have a mental health challenge or need extra support?”
The answers to these questions aren’t always straightforward. Every child is different, and kids can’t always articulate what they’re experiencing or feeling. So, as parents, how do we know if we should find support for our child’s mental health, and where can we find it?
To help us answer these questions, FamilySmart, together with Karen Peters, created three videos for parents and caregivers: Beyond Behaviors: When Is It More? What It Looks Like Ages 4–8, What It Looks Like Ages 9–12 and for parents of teens, What It Looks Like Ages 13+.
Peters’ expertise as a registered clinical counsellor and her lived experience as a mom helps parents understand typical child development, when it might be helpful to find out more about our kid’s behaviour or feelings and when to reach out for extra help. The videos address a range of kids’ ages.
“We see things like kids getting left out or rules getting broken,” says Peters.
“When struggles are chronic… going on for two years, that’s where the flag happens.”
Each video in this series starts with an animated analogy that compares parenting to swimming in a pool. This helps us to put our parenting challenges into perspective. Some of us parent in the deep end where it’s busy and stressful, others parent in the shallow end with seemingly little effort and some of us spend time on the poolside. And then there’s the lifeguards and life rings that can support us. The videos help explain when and how to reach out for a life ring.
When my kids had some challenges with their mental health, I often swam in the deep end of the pool. Now and then, when things got easier for a brief time, I waded through the shallow end—a little more refreshing and always more relaxing.
After Peters helps us figure out where we are parenting in the pool analogy, she walks us through what to expect physically, socially/emotionally and cognitively with our child’s development, depending on our kid’s age. She gives us practical examples of what typical developments can look like in our kids, and what it can look like when our kids might have some challenges that we need to address.
“We put a lot of pressure on ourselves and when there are opportunities to take tiny breaks, we don’t take them because we feel guilty for not somehow always being present for our child,” says Peters.
“Please give yourself permission. It requires you to say, ‘I will let myself take a break when I need to.’ I was able to do this when I recognized it wasn’t just about me feeling better. My child benefited, my partner benefitted, we all benefited.”
Despite all the learning we do as parents, sometimes it’s still hard to tell if our child’s development or behaviour is typical. When this happens, Peters talks about doing our own curiosity assessments with our kids to find out more about what they might be experiencing.
If we discover that our child or teen might need extra support in some areas, or that they might have a mental health challenge, we need to know where to go for help. Peters offers some suggestions for finding the lifeguards or life rings to support us.
“Don’t rule out connecting with other people,” she says.
“That interactive care offers something we can’t give ourselves. We need to connect with other people to recognize, that truly, we are not alone.”
As we journey through all our child’s developmental stages and challenges, we can learn from our kids, other parents, ourselves and the experts. Sometimes the learning is hard, and sometimes it’s beyond hard.
When it’s hard, asking for support can be hard, too. FamilySmart’s Family Peer Support Workers are in communities across BC, and they can make it easier. They support parents/caregivers who have kids with mental health challenges, even if their child doesn’t have a diagnosis. They help families find services and provide emotional support and resources. Find out who your Family Peer Support Worker is in your community by going to http://familysmart.ca/family-peer-support.
