Back-to-school season is more than just the return to routines and packing lunches. It also brings many mixed emotions to the surface. Conflicting feelings like excitement and nervousness, fear and bravery, hopefulness and disappointment will rise suddenly like waves and merge forcefully together like currents. Mixed feelings experienced together can be overwhelming, especially for our kids who are still learning how to cope.
Suddenly, what should feel like a fresh start can turn into meltdowns over misplaced shoes or sibling squabbles before 8am. It’s not long before everyone in the house is feeling caught in an emotional storm. As a family counsellor and a mom of three, I know how contagious emotions can be, spreading like the flu from one family member to the next.
New seasons bring new stressors and both kids and parents can feel the emotional intensity that comes with change. When your child is falling apart because they didn’t like their lunch, it’s important to understand that these aren’t just random blowups. These are moments of dysregulation, when your child’s nervous system is overwhelmed and their emotions have taken over.
And parents? We get pulled into that storm too. Maybe you stayed up too late, have a full day ahead and you were already running on fumes when the meltdown hit. Suddenly you’re snapping, threatening consequences you don’t mean or withdrawing completely, just to survive the moment.
If you fall apart sometimes, take heart, you’re normal! There is a way through these moments when you understand what’s really going on for you and your kids.
The Science Behind Falling Apart
When kids are “falling apart,” it’s not because they’re spoiled or trying to manipulate us. It’s because their developing brains aren’t wired yet to manage big emotions on their own. The part of the brain responsible for self-regulation, the prefrontal cortex, is still under construction well into their 20s.
In moments of stress, kids drop into their more primitive brain centres, and you are seeing their stress response of either fight, flight or freeze. What they need most in these moments is not logic or discipline, but co-regulation: a calm adult to anchor them. When we stay emotionally steady, we give our kids’ nervous system something to mirror. That’s how emotional wellness is built.
What Can Parents Do?
Here’s the good news: you don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be present. Your presence and your tone of voice can do more than any perfectly crafted parenting script.
Try this three-step approach the next time your child is unraveling:
1. Pause and Breathe. Before you respond, take a slow breath. Feel your feet on the floor. This one second of grounding helps you access your own regulation.
2. Validate and Acknowledge. You might say, “That sock really is bothering you,” or “You’re feeling so upset right now.” You’re not agreeing with the behaviour, you’re naming the feeling. This helps your child feel seen and safe.
3. Offer Connection Before Correction. Once the storm has passed, then you can talk about what went wrong and how to do it differently next time. But in the heat of the moment, what your child needs is your calm.
But What If You’re Falling Apart Too?
This is the part we don’t talk about enough. Parents are often told to “stay calm,” but not shown how to do that when we’re exhausted, triggered or carrying our own emotional baggage.
One of the most important tools is self-awareness. Start noticing your early warning signs: clenched jaw, rising voice, tension in your chest. These are cues that you need a moment of regulation.
When possible, narrate what you’re doing out loud: “I’m feeling overwhelmed too, so I’m taking a breath before I say anything.” This models emotional regulation and gives both of you space to reset.
Falling apart safely doesn’t mean avoiding big emotions. It means creating a family culture where emotions are allowed to exist, be supported and moved through. That’s what builds resilience.
Repair Is Where the Magic Happens
Emotional wellness isn’t about having it all together. It’s about knowing that repair is always possible. When you model repair by circling back after yelling, or saying, “That was hard! Want a hug?” you teach your child that mistakes don’t define relationships. Connection does.
So, as you navigate this back-to-school season, remember: It’s okay if your child falls apart. It’s okay if you do too. What matters most is finding your way back to each other.
That’s where resilience is built. That’s how families grow stronger. And that’s the heart of raising emotionally healthy kids.
