Congratulations on growing your family! This is the fourth part of a five-part series about the trimesters of pregnancy. We will visit each of the three-month blocks and talk about the information, tasks and ideas that belong to that time.
The first 12 weeks of a baby’s life is full of joys. The smell of a new baby, the sweetness of feeling them cuddle into you, the silkiness of their skin, the bliss of their little toes. The feeling of accomplishment, of learning new things, of falling in love—all of these firsts are wonderful.
But Trimester 4 is also a challenging time for everyone. The baby doubles their birthweight in the first four months, so they will be very focussed on eating and resting at first—not much fun. The amount of awake time for the baby gradually increases over the fourth trimester, until by three months, they will be smiling, interactive and interested in watching you. A big (and welcome) change!
Getting to Know Each Other
Feeding the baby can be challenging. Chest/breastfeeding is a learned physical skill. It takes time and practice to get good at it, and for it to feel “natural.” Don’t hesitate to ask your doctor/midwife for a referral to a lactation consultant.
Feeding isn’t the only thing that can take some time to get used to. You will need to learn to read baby’s cues:
• Spend time just sitting and watching your baby.
• Respond quickly to the little cues that mean “I’m hungry,” such as rooting (turning their head and opening their mouth), sucking on their hands, making lip-smacking noises and moving their mouths. Crying is not a sign of hunger, but rather of despair, when the early cues are not recognized. “Are they NEVER going to feed me?”
• Always try feeding first. If that doesn’t work to settle the baby, maybe they are just feeling lonesome or bored. Try cuddling, swaying, singing and patting.
• Try a diaper change. Even if the diaper is not dirty/wet, all that undressing and re-dressing is like a reset button for many babies.
• Remember that an unhappy baby almost always gets happier when you take them outdoors—fresh air works miracles.
• Put the baby in water; a bath often relaxes an infant.
Recovering from childbirth
The childbearing parent’s body is gradually recovering from the hard work of growing and then birthing a baby. Healing takes time and rest. Don’t expect to “bounce back.” Treat yourself gently.
You need to stay home and in a semi-horizontal position for several days.
• After four or five days, you could go out for a short walk, with a companion.
• You really should not be alone at home with the baby for long periods in the first week of the baby’s life. It’s too overwhelming.
• Your partner, who was probably with you during labour, needs sleep too. Make sure the other parent also gets naps during the first few days.
Take care of the parents. Make sure you both get…
• Sleep: Make up for the night wakings.
• Good food: When things are disorganized—ask friends and family to bring a meal.
• Company: If there is a parent who is working outside the home, make sure the stay-at-home parent gets visitors and support.
• Entertainment: Caring for a baby intensively can get a little boring. Funny movies and good music can help.
• Exercise and fresh air: After the first week or so, a daily walk can help improve mood, and sleep.
A postpartum doula can provide practical household help, combined with baby care skills and experience.
Ask for support from family and friends as well. If they want to be part of your baby’s community, the first way they can do so is by helping you.
Finding community support
• La Leche League is a volunteer organization providing parent-to-parent support for chest/breastfeeding.
• Baby Groups are available at many Neighbourhood Houses, at the Public Health Units and at Mothering Touch.
This is the time when you are becoming a family. Think about and talk about how you would like your family to live. Do things together. There is a temptation to split the work up so one parent cares for the baby and the other does the shopping/cooking/cleaning/laundry. Instead, try doing things with all three of you together, if you can. It gives both of you time with the baby and teaches you to include your baby in family activities.
Try to have a family cuddle time, dancing and singing time or family bath time every day.
