If you’ve ever watched classic TV sitcoms from the ’50s through the ’80s, you’d think parenting was a one-person job—and that person was always “mom.”
Dad was the breadwinner, maybe the discipline enforcer when he got home, but mostly he just ruffled hair and read the newspaper. Mom handled everything else: cleaning, cooking and raising the kids, all while wearing heels and smiling through it.
Thankfully, a lot has changed since then. In many modern families—including ours—both of us work, both parents cook (some better than others) and both parents handle school pickups, appointments and bedtime stories.
Still, the old language creeps in occasionally. I’ve lost count of how many times an older person or store employee exclaimed “Giving mom a break today?” or “You’re on kid duty, huh?” when I was out with our daughter.
No. I’m not babysitting. I’m doing what parents do: Parenting.
Calling it “babysitting” when a dad takes care of his own child reinforces the idea that he’s filling in, and therefore not fully responsible. It makes fatherhood sound like an optional role—a backup plan if mom’s busy.
It Takes Two
My wife and I both work from home, which means our days are a nonstop relay race of meetings, laundry and snack requests. We attempt to split the work based on who has a lighter day, who remembered to stop at the store or defrost something, or who’s already halfway to the car with the sports equipment and the water bottle.
There are no “his” and “her” duties—there’s just life. Breakfast gets made by whoever’s awake first. Homework help is done by whoever our kid asks first. If the garbage needs to go out or the cat barfs on the stairs, it’s handled by whoever saw it first. And if we both saw it? Well, we negotiate like grown-ups (most of the time anyway!). It’s not a perfect system—there are still some arguments and times when one or both of us drops the ball—but it all works out in the end.
More Dads Are Stepping Up—and It Shows
In the past few years, it’s been awesome to see more and more dads showing up—not just at sports practices, but at school events, PAC meetings, science fairs and yes, even in the dance studio lobby, patiently holding sparkly shoes and water bottles. I didn’t actually notice at first since it seemed normal to me—but my wife was quick to point it out!
Most dads aren’t just watching from the sidelines anymore. They’re coaching, volunteering on class trips, reading in classrooms and planning bake sales (or at least buying most of the cookies). It’s not always easy, in fact it very rarely is. We juggle work deadlines, volunteer commitments at our kid’s school and all these new tween emotions (which are intense, dramatic and highly snack-dependent).
The Joys of Being All-In
Being all-in means I get to see the highs and lows of my daughter’s day. I know what she’s excited about, what’s stressing her out and which person she thinks is “literally the most annoying person on Earth” today (sometimes it’s me and may likely be one of her school friends again by Thursday).
It’s messy. It’s exhausting. It’s full of laundry and logistics. But it’s also joyful in all the little ways that matter most.
Let’s Just Call It Parenting
Being an active, involved parent—dad or mom—isn’t a chore, it’s a privilege. Let’s normalize parenting as a shared gig—one where both adults are in the trenches, doing their best, messing up sometimes and high-fiving when bedtime is miraculously achieved by 9 pm.
