Remember when we were growing up and birthday parties were just balloons, hot dogs, cupcakes and maybe a game of “Pin the Tail on the Donkey?” A “super memorable” party was when pizza was ordered from the best place in town! But now you’ve got a tween or teen who rolls their eyes at all your suggestions for a birthday celebration.

The good news is that you can throw an awesome, age-appropriate birthday party without renting a limo or selling a kidney. With the right setup (and just a little bit of creative flair), even a party at home can be cool again.

Pick a Theme – and Keep it Chill

Think “glow-up spa night,” “epic video game battle” or “DIY bubble tea + bracelet bar.” Nothing too cutesy, just a loose vibe that feels fun and not cringey.

Let Them Be the Party Planner

Give them a budget, some Pinterest inspiration and let them make the calls. The more ownership they have, the more excited they’ll be and the less they’ll act like you’re ruining everything.

Help Them Make the Space Feel Like Theirs

You don’t need to redecorate your house, just tweak the atmosphere. String lights, photo backdrops or snacks in TikTok-worthy setups create an instant vibe that will make everyone want to take and post all the pics.

Need some specific ideas to make your home into a space people of all ages will love? We’ve got you:

• Have an Outdoor Movie Night – Projector, popcorn and blankets make an instant win.

• Put Out a Make-Your-Own Pizza & Sundae Bar – All you need is food and their creativity. This one is zero effort for you (except cleaning up!).

• Epic Spa Night – Sheet masks, cucumber water, nail polish and a speaker = happy teens.

• Create a Backyard Glow Party – Glow sticks, neon lights, outdoor selfie stations and maybe some fun outdoor games.

• Host a Murder Mystery or Escape Room Challenge – Buy a printable kit or DIY one.

• Creative Hangout Night (something for everyone!) – Paint tote bags, make bath bombs or try Polaroid journalling.

But what if your home is small, or your kids just don’t want to have their friends in their own space? Here are some great spots that don’t break the bank.

1. Swimming Pools. Most indoor pools have slides, wave pools and offer “party packages” that include swimming and a party room perhaps with some activities. If budget is a big factor, you don’t need to book the party room—just pay for the pool admissions then hand out post-swimming cupcakes in a nearby park.

You’ll often find the same deals at ice skating rinks and bowling alleys around town.

2. Movie Nights. Cineplex or Landmark Cinemas offer group rates (or grab the discounted ticket packages from Costco), and you can do the same cupcake trick as above or hit a nearby bubble tea place after.

3. Art or Craft Studios. Dedicated art spaces like 4Cats Studio or even community centre nights are perfect for hands-on fun. Everyone goes home with a masterpiece—and maybe a new skill.

4. Board Game Cafés. Board Game Cafes, some pizza places around town and even some community centres offer evenings that combine food and games to make a fun, social party.

5. Head to a Park. Picnic at the top of PKOLS, Beacon Hill Park, Maffeo Sutton Park, Transfer Beach or one of the other amazing parks or waterfront locations around the Island. Plan a fun teen-themed scavenger hunt or just set up some selfie stations.

Remember that birthday parties don’t have to be over-the-top to be memorable. Give your teens a little control, a space to be silly and maybe some pizza and it’ll be a huge hit. Whether you go full party-planner mode or wing it with a backyard glow stick dance party, the goal is simple—make them feel celebrated without totally losing your mind (or draining your bank account).

Victoria’s Youth Poet Laureate is shining a light on intergenerational trauma and the connections of Indigenous people through her poems.

Shauntelle (Huupʔaqsa, TSAYŁE) Dick-Charleson, 23, has been writing poetry for seven years. She started writing in Grade 10 English class at Reynolds Secondary School but didn’t truly connect with her writing until she wrote a poem called “I Was There.”

“That poem was about being present—in spirit—when my grandparents were in residential school. It touched on intergenerational trauma and the deep connections we carry as Indigenous people,” says Dick-Charleson.

“Writing became something I needed to do—a way to educate others, to process my own experiences and to share what it’s like to be an Indigenous woman in this world.”

Her poetry explores a wide range of topics: the impacts of residential schools, Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women (MMIW), intergenerational trauma and heartbreak, mixed with some lighthearted pieces (like the one about being a lonely pinecone).

Dick-Charleson was named Victoria’s Youth Poet Laureate in March, along with the Poet Laureate Kyeren Regehr.

“(It) is such an honour—and being the first Indigenous person to receive the title means even more,” she says.

“I hope it shows younger Indigenous generations that their voices matter, and that they can express themselves in powerful ways outside of sports or traditional expectations. My grandfather, Skip Dick, once told me he wrote poetry during his time in residential school and hearing him say he’s proud of what I’m doing now means the world to me.”

Poet Laureates serve as literary ambassadors, sparking creativity and meaningful conversation across the city. As Youth Poet Laureate, Dick-Charleson’s role involves attending City Hall meetings where she performs poems, creates her own events and connects with the community through the arts.

“It’s a position that allows me to both represent youth voices and bring poetry into civic spaces in a meaningful way,” she says.

The chance to use poetry to make an impact, especially as an Indigenous youth, was something she says she couldn’t pass up.

“We’re delighted to have the talents of Kyeren and Shauntelle representing the City as Poet Laureates,” said Victoria Mayor Marianne Alto.

“I look forward to seeing their work inspire and connect residents of all ages through the power of poetry.”

Dick-Charleson shares her poetry through spoken-word events, poetry slams, school performances and online. She’s also been hired to perform at community gatherings and cultural events.

“For me, poetry—especially as an Indigenous poet—is about keeping storytelling alive,” she says.

“It’s about creating space for truth, for emotion and for people to speak openly and honestly. It’s not just about performance; it’s about connection. And while I focus on Indigenous identity and struggle, I also emphasize the beauty of being Indigenous. After many performances, I’ve had people tell me, ‘I didn’t know that about Indigenous people.’ That’s why I keep going—because awareness starts with stories.”

She says if someone is thinking about trying poetry but isn’t sure where to start, she encourages them to be open to it.

“Try some writing prompts, give yourself time and don’t worry about perfection,” she adds.

“It takes time to find your voice and to feel confident performing. I’ve had so many mentors along the way who helped guide me, and I wouldn’t be where I am without them.

“There’s so much in life you can explore—and poetry is just one way to understand yourself and others better. There are so many different voices and styles out there—poetry really does mean something different to everyone, and that’s what makes it powerful.”

I know how hard it is for teens to get their first summer job. For one thing, they don’t have much experience to put on their resume.

However, the hardest part is putting themselves out there. In the world of texts and emails, most teens barely know how to talk on the phone, let alone walk up to a stranger and hand them a resume.

Last season, my teen got his first summer job bussing tables and washing dishes at an extremely busy tea shop in downtown Victoria. (If you’ve sat in that historic tea shop, you know the one I mean!)

The benefits of landing that first job were huge. We wanted him to get a job so his entire summer wouldn’t be spent waffling between screen time and boredom. We wanted him to learn the value of money and how to balance saving with spending.

However, the most important benefits were unexpected. Max’s self-confidence and maturity grew tremendously with the responsibility. Suddenly, he was working with university students who were thinking about the cost of rent and food, which made him think more seriously about his future. He learned to pace himself through a very busy day. And we got to enjoy some delicious leftover pastries—every job has its perks!

Rules

There are government employment rules that limit how much teens can work and what they are allowed to do. It is much easier to get a job for teens that are over the age of 16. There are strict employment rules for teens younger than that. However, many people, including my son, get their first job before they’re 16. Here are a few of the rules for hiring teens aged 13 to 15:

• There are limits on how much they can work. For example, they cannot work more than four hours on a school day or more than seven hours on a non-school day.

• They can only do light work.

• Teens must be under the direct supervision of someone who is at least 19 years old.

• Once the teens turn 16, they have all the same employment rules as adults.

For more details, check out the BC rules for hiring young people at gov.bc.ca.

First Steps

It’s hard for your teen to fill out a resume if they haven’t had a job but no one expects teens to have long resumes. A single page is sufficient. They can share where they go to school, what grade they’re in and any school-based achievements or activities.

Extracurriculars and volunteer activities all count as experience. If they don’t have a lot of extracurricular activities, make a section titled “Interests” instead. This is another way for teens to show potential employers they are engaged and interested in their community.

Here are a few ways for teens to gain experience for their resume:

• Volunteer: There are many places to volunteer in our community, so let them choose something they are interested in. Volunteer positions are also a great way to get references.

• Junior camp counsellor: Many larger summer camp organizations have a junior counsellor program. These can be volunteer-based (like Science Ventures) or paid programs.

• Training programs and certificates: Food Safe is a $20 program that students can do online. Community centres often offer babysitting programs. High schools sometimes offer low-cost or free programs like basic First Aid and Food Safe.

Take The Plunge

Probably the biggest challenge for most teens is the actual application process. It’s hard to put yourself out there with strangers. Some companies, like McDonalds and grocery stores, offer online applications.

However, teens who haven’t already got a work-based reference on their resume will do better with in-person applications. This allows potential employers to assess the maturity of a 15-year-old applicant prior to the interview process.

Here are some tips for getting a reluctant teen to hand out their resume:

• Print off four resumes to hand out every Saturday until they start getting interviews.

• Walk with them to the stores and wait outside while they hand in their resume. Then ask them how it went and help them refine their process.

• The first few resumes will be the hardest, so don’t hand out a resume at their favourite locations until they’ve practiced a few times elsewhere.

• If they are reluctant, add a financial incentive. In my son’s case, he wanted to go on a school trip. We agreed to sign him up, only if he paid for half of the cost by getting a summer job.

The “tweens” (between the ages of 8 or 9 and 12) are rough. Carefree childhood innocence rapidly slips away as kids encounter higher expectations at school and home, an ever-widening sense of a chaotic world outside themselves, confusing hormonal and physical changes, and the increasing complexity of social interaction with their peers.

Suddenly, social spats aren’t simple: “Jane wouldn’t share the toy,” but can become complicated, multi-layered issues. “Jane was mad that I didn’t eat lunch with her, so she wouldn’t talk to me and told everyone not to be friends with me anymore. Then she said mean things about me on {insert social media du jour here} and now everyone hates me.”

How do we help our kids get through this incredibly challenging time in a healthy way that promotes positive social skills?

Apart from making sure they are secure in our unconditional love, and helping them build genuine confidence in themselves, it’s essential that kids learn how to work through conflict constructively. There are several important skills and mindsets that we can help them build that will make this easier.

How We View Conflict

Conflict is a natural and unavoidable part of human interaction, but working through it isn’t always intuitive, or easy. When I was a rookie elementary school teacher, I struggled to help my Grade 6 students sort out daily drama.

I attended several workshops on Restorative Justice and conflict resolution. There I learned to view conflict not as “right” versus “wrong” but as two people wanting or needing different things. Resolving conflict isn’t about punishment or exacting revenge. It’s about making sure that everyone’s experience is heard and acknowledged. That they find a way to move forward from the conflict in a way that meets everyone’s needs.

Our school formed a “Peace Squad”—a group of students, many from my class, trained to help mediate playground conflicts. This wasn’t a miracle cure for conflict and, obviously, there were issues (physical altercations, and bullying, among them) that mediators had to refer to adult supervisors. Sometimes students weren’t interested in participating when they realized that the other kid wasn’t going to get in “trouble.”

However, anyone involved in the process, whether as a mediator or someone in conflict, came away from it seeing that there is an alternative to the pervasive idea that if someone “wrongs” you, they need to be “punished.”

Over the year I noticed more students solving their own conflicts within the classroom, as well as increased empathy towards others, evidenced in their personal writing and even the way they spoke to each other.

Perspective-Taking and Conflict Resolution

Helping kids more fully understand how their actions affect others is something that can be practiced at home.

Books. When reading, you can discuss the characters’ feelings, and point out how several characters can feel differently about the same situation. Powerful “tween” books, told from multiple perspectives, are R.J. Palacio’s Wonder and Rob Buyea’s Because of Mr. Terupt.

Authenticity. Give them feedback when their words or actions have an emotional effect on you, positive or negative.

Drama—the Good Kind. Role-playing is a great tool for helping us see and understand peoples’ emotions and motivations. Act out social situations and discuss what you are thinking and feeling when, for example, your best friend decides to sit with someone else at lunch. How might you react? What are some alternative ways of handling the situation?

Boost Emotional Awareness

Being able to describe how someone’s actions make you feel is an essential key to finding satisfying resolutions to conflict, but many kids struggle with a limited emotional vocabulary.

Labelling. We can help our kids develop and expand their emotional awareness, starting with labelling and talking about our own emotions. We can also provide a safe space and opportunities for them to practice.

Visual Aids. My four-year-old has a calendar with emotion magnets, and every day when we change the date, weather, and day of the week, he also takes a moment to think about how he’s feeling and picks a face. Sometimes we get into the “why” of his emotions, but just labelling them is a great start.

Shared Journal. If your tween isn’t yet comfortable with verbalizing their feelings, you could try keeping a shared journal (with a list of emotion words taped inside the cover for easy reference). There are some beautifully-designed journals out there for this purpose, full of creative prompts. Some are even fill-in-the-blank.

Games. Emotion charades and other activities derived from theatre sports can help your child develop and strengthen their ability to read facial expressions and body language.

A lot of kids have difficulty with tone and emphasis. They might repeat something funny a TV character says and not understand why their classmate finds it hurtful (it might be said with a sarcastic tone). You can make a game of saying the same sentence in different ways and trying to guess the speaker’s intent or emotion. For example, “What are you doing?” vs “What are you doing?” communicate different messages.

Calming Strategies

Learning and practicing calming techniques (mindful breathing, counting, visualization, positive self-talk) helps us be rational and receptive instead of reactive. You can help your child to determine which strategies are most useful for them and encourage them to practice when you see they are agitated.

Acknowledge Mistakes… and Grow

When conflict occurs, it’s important to work through it so that everyone can move forward peacefully. We can’t change what happened, but we can decide to learn and make different choices in the future. To do this we need to acknowledge our own part in conflict.

No one wants to believe their child is capable of causing hurt to another, but it happens every day. Not because they are “bad,” but because they are learning. If your child is involved in a conflict, take time to hear the whole story of what transpired. Encourage them to own their actions and be part of a solution. Just as in any new subject, they are going to make mistakes and that’s when they need our support the most—to help them grow positively from a negative experience.

Schools are beginning to teach emotional and social skills more explicitly within an evolving curriculum, but developing empathy, emotional awareness, self-regulation, and problem-solving skills starts with parents. They watch us for cues, and if we negotiate our own conflicts constructively this goes a long way to helping them get through the trials and tribulations of Tweenhood.