Congratulations on growing your family! This is the fourth part of a five-part series about the trimesters of pregnancy. We will visit each of the three-month blocks and talk about the information, tasks and ideas that belong to that time.

The first 12 weeks of a baby’s life is full of joys. The smell of a new baby, the sweetness of feeling them cuddle into you, the silkiness of their skin, the bliss of their little toes. The feeling of accomplishment, of learning new things, of falling in love—all of these firsts are wonderful.

But Trimester 4 is also a challenging time for everyone. The baby doubles their birthweight in the first four months, so they will be very focussed on eating and resting at first—not much fun. The amount of awake time for the baby gradually increases over the fourth trimester, until by three months, they will be smiling, interactive and interested in watching you. A big (and welcome) change!

Getting to Know Each Other

Feeding the baby can be challenging. Chest/breastfeeding is a learned physical skill. It takes time and practice to get good at it, and for it to feel “natural.” Don’t hesitate to ask your doctor/midwife for a referral to a lactation consultant.

Feeding isn’t the only thing that can take some time to get used to. You will need to learn to read baby’s cues:

• Spend time just sitting and watching your baby.

• Respond quickly to the little cues that mean “I’m hungry,” such as rooting (turning their head and opening their mouth), sucking on their hands, making lip-smacking noises and moving their mouths. Crying is not a sign of hunger, but rather of despair, when the early cues are not recognized. “Are they NEVER going to feed me?”

• Always try feeding first. If that doesn’t work to settle the baby, maybe they are just feeling lonesome or bored. Try cuddling, swaying, singing and patting.

• Try a diaper change. Even if the diaper is not dirty/wet, all that undressing and re-dressing is like a reset button for many babies.

• Remember that an unhappy baby almost always gets happier when you take them outdoors—fresh air works miracles.

• Put the baby in water; a bath often relaxes an infant.

Recovering from childbirth

The childbearing parent’s body is gradually recovering from the hard work of growing and then birthing a baby. Healing takes time and rest. Don’t expect to “bounce back.” Treat yourself gently.

You need to stay home and in a semi-horizontal position for several days.

• After four or five days, you could go out for a short walk, with a companion.

• You really should not be alone at home with the baby for long periods in the first week of the baby’s life. It’s too overwhelming.

• Your partner, who was probably with you during labour, needs sleep too. Make sure the other parent also gets naps during the first few days.

Take care of the parents. Make sure you both get…

• Sleep: Make up for the night wakings.

• Good food: When things are disorganized—ask friends and family to bring a meal.

• Company: If there is a parent who is working outside the home, make sure the stay-at-home parent gets visitors and support.

• Entertainment: Caring for a baby intensively can get a little boring. Funny movies and good music can help.

• Exercise and fresh air: After the first week or so, a daily walk can help improve mood, and sleep.

A postpartum doula can provide practical household help, combined with baby care skills and experience.

Ask for support from family and friends as well. If they want to be part of your baby’s community, the first way they can do so is by helping you.

Finding community support

• La Leche League is a volunteer organization providing parent-to-parent support for chest/breastfeeding.

• Baby Groups are available at many Neighbourhood Houses, at the Public Health Units and at Mothering Touch.

This is the time when you are becoming a family. Think about and talk about how you would like your family to live. Do things together. There is a temptation to split the work up so one parent cares for the baby and the other does the shopping/cooking/cleaning/laundry. Instead, try doing things with all three of you together, if you can. It gives both of you time with the baby and teaches you to include your baby in family activities.

Try to have a family cuddle time, dancing and singing time or family bath time every day.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! This is the third part of a five-part series about the trimesters of pregnancy. We will visit each of the three-month blocks and talk about the information, tasks and ideas that belong to that special time before baby arrives.

Information

The third trimester (weeks 29 to 40) is the time when many pregnant parents start to feel uncomfortable. You may feel big and swollen; your back may be sore. Your body is sending you a lot of messages: slow down, take it easy, relax. Be kind to yourself and your baby.

By now, your baby can hear the sounds of your life. They are learning to recognize your voice and the music you play. Baby can also perceive light through the wall of the uterus and feel any pats and pokes you give your tummy. Some babies will poke back!

As your uterus gets bigger, you will notice painless (but uncomfortable) tightening or Braxton Hicks contractions. These practice contractions massage the baby and ensure good circulation to the uterus. They do not mean that you are going into labour.

Heartburn is another frequent side-effect of pregnancy around now. It’s caused by progesterone, which slows your digestion and allows for more nutrients to be absorbed for your baby. Try eating frequent small meals and not lying down after you eat.

Tasks

Many pregnant parents don’t think a lot about labour and birthing until this trimester. That’s just fine. There’s lots of other stuff to think about. As you start to think about getting the baby out, you might want to watch some videos or read some good books.

• Mothersadvocate.org/videos.html is good place to find excellent birth videos.

• The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin and Melissa Cheyney is a great evidence-based source of information on labour and birth.

During this stage, your care-provider will:

• offer you the option of being screened for Group B Strep.

• want to see you every week after week 36.

• check for the position of your baby to screen for breech or other variations in presentation—head down is best!

• want to hear about your preferences for birth and answer your questions, so make sure you ask!

Meet with your doula if you have chosen to have one. They will want to know about your plans and preferences for your baby’s birth so they can support you. Attend your Prenatal Childbirth Preparation Classes with your partner or birth-helper.

Take a Baby Care or Parenting the Newborn Class. Organize equipment, supplies and a space for the baby. Remember babies don’t need a whole lot, but gathering items is part of the process of getting ready, emotionally, as well as logistically!

Start planning for the fourth trimester! Think about who will be available for physical support right after the baby is born. Your partner? Birth helper? Family? Friends? Post-partum Doula?

Plan meals for after the baby comes. Cook and bake and freeze. Tell a friend about MealTrain.com.

Learn about Postpartum Mood Disorders. Where can you find help if you need it? About 20 to 40 percent of birthing parents are diagnosed with some mood disorder (anxiety or depression) after giving birth. Support makes it all easier to deal with. One helpful resource is the Pacific Post Partum Support Society (postpartum.org).

Ideas

Consider your preferences and values with regards to your baby’s birth. How would you like to cope with labour pain? What interventions would you like to avoid, if possible? What is important to you about the experience of giving birth? Discuss and share with your partner or birth helper.

Take a little time off to rest and enjoy the calm of a child-free house before everything changes. Try not to work until the last minute. Becoming a parent is a rite of passage and requires a little pause, an interruption in your usual life, for you to prepare mentally.

On the other hand, having a baby is not the end of your life. You will still be able to do many things. I see some parents-to-be shopping as though they were preparing for a siege. Shopping is a great activity to do with a baby (after the first few weeks).

Enjoy your partner. Talk to each other and take the time to strengthen your relationship. There are difficult days ahead and you need a strong team to get through them. Do cozy pleasant things together. Go out to a movie on a whim. Go for long leisurely walks. Have a fancy dinner out. You will be able to do these things together again someday, but not right away.

This is the third installment of a series about the five trimesters of pregnancy. Check the next edition of Island Parent for more about how to thrive through your early parenting experience.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! You have made it through the first trimester.

The second trimester (weeks 13 to 28) is the best part of pregnancy for most women. You may feel more comfortable and have more energy that you did in the first trimester.

In this second part of a five-part series about the trimesters of pregnancy, we will talk about the information, tasks and ideas you should be considering over the next 15 weeks.

What to Expect

If you are going to “glow” during your pregnancy, this is when that will happen.

If you were worried about the possibility of a miscarriage, that fear is waning now. You probably heard your baby’s heartbeat at your last doctor or midwife visit.

For many parents, the growing baby bump is a source of satisfaction and pride. Others feel less positive about these body changes. You may start to have some challenges relating to the enlarging of your uterus—back pain, round ligament pain. Other discomforts like leg cramps or constipation may show up now.

Having a good pregnancy book where you can look things up will help. Pregnancy, Childbirth and the Newborn by Penny Simkin is excellent. Avoid Googling symptoms as this can overwhelm you with information. Choose a trusted website like healthlinkbc.ca.

What to Do

The tasks of the second trimester are about keeping you and your baby healthy and growing.

• Keep a list of questions to ask at your monthly appointments.

• Your care-provider will:

– offer you the option of having an ultrasound scan around 18 to 20 weeks.

– offer you a test for gestational diabetes around week 25.

– screen you for Rh negative blood type and offer you a RhoGam shot at week 28 if you are Rh negative.

• Register for Prenatal Childbirth Preparation Classes. It’s best to take these in the third trimester, but you must schedule them now or the class you want may not be available. You can find an in-person class in Victoria at motheringtouch.ca or an online class from shefoundhealth.ca.

• Consider having a doula at your birth. A doula is a non-clinical professional experienced in childbirth who provides physical, informational and emotional support and helps parents to have an easier and more positive childbirth experience. You can read more about doulas at bcdoula.org. You can find a doula in Victoria through doulasofvictoria.ca, the Doulas for Aboriginal Families Grant Program, bcaafc.com or Nesting Doulas for BIPOC families at nestingdoulacollective.com.

• Plan for your maternity and parental leave:

– Tell your employer about your pregnancy, when you are ready. Remember that you must give your employer four weeks’ notice before you start your maternity leave.

– Find out about Employment Insurance coverage for your maternity and parental leave

– Discuss with your partner about how much time you will take off work and how the two of you will share parental leave.

• Keep up with regular physical activity. As you get bigger around the middle, you may feel a little awkward in your regular classes and decide to join a pregnancy yoga, fitness or aquafit class. Or not! The best way to get exercise is to do what you love in an environment you feel comfortable with. Don’t let anyone else tell you where that should be.

What to Learn

• Pregnant parents tend to spend a lot of time in the second trimester thinking about the baby; wondering what they will be like and how it will feel to be a parent. Use that motivation to learn about baby care, infant development and breast/chestfeeding. Some good books that can help with this include:

– The Mother of all Baby Books by Ann Douglas

– The Baby Book by William and Martha Sears

– Breastfeeding Made Simple by Kathleen Kendall-Tackett and Nancy Mohrbacher

• Many parents in the second trimester are not yet ready to think about or plan for the baby’s birth and that is fine. In a few weeks, when the baby gets bigger and your tummy gets more awkward, you will find yourself thinking more about how to get your kiddo out of there!

• As the nausea starts to go away, experiment with new, nutritious foods. You may feel hungry in a way you have not experienced before.

• Enjoy some time together with your life-partner or future co-parent. Build a strong relationship in preparation for caring for your little family together.

Check the next edition of Island Parent for more about how to thrive through your third trimester of pregnancy and early parenting experience.

You might be thinking “Wow! It worked!” Or “Oh no! What now?” Or maybe even a bit of both.

Being pregnant is a physical process—the process of growing the baby inside of you, your body changing and preparing to give birth and lactate. But pregnancy is also an intense time psychologically and emotionally.

If you have a life-partner, the two of you change from a couple into a family. Every member of your family of origin moves on the family tree—they become grandparents and aunts and uncles, cousins and siblings. Roles and relationships shift and change.

It’s no wonder you feel overwhelmed! Here are some resources that can help you, important “to dos” to add to your list, and ideas you might like to think about and discuss with your partner, family or friends.

We are going to focus on the first trimester—the first 12 weeks of pregnancy, when you are getting used to the idea of having a baby.

You might have some early symptoms of pregnancy—sore breasts, moodiness, cramping, a little spotting (implantation spotting around day 21 to 22 of your cycle is normal and nothing to worry about)—or you may have none of these.

Resources

There is a lot to know about how pregnancy affects you and how your body and your baby will grow and change. Relying on trusted sources of information is important:

• Perinatal Services BC has a lot of good, BC-specific resources and information, including a Pregnancy Passport full of tips and places to record the steps on your journey. Check out perinatalservicesbc.ca/health-info/pregnancy for more information.

• SmartParentCanada.ca is a program that sends you short text messages that are timed to your week of pregnancy. This is a great way to get information in small digestible bits!

• Health Canada offers a free booklet available online called Your Guide to a Health Pregnancy.

• If you prefer a hard-copy book, Pregnancy, Childbirth and the Newborn by Penny Simkin is excellent, and will answer many of your questions for the next year.

• Lamaze International offers a weekly email with tips and updates based on your due date. Sign up to receive it at lamaze.org/giving-birth-with-confidence.

Now What?

• Start taking a pregnancy vitamin tablet with folic acid—talk to your pharmacist, they will help you choose.

• Find a care-provider—do you want a doctor or a midwife? Both types of care are covered by the BC Medical Services Plan.

• Find out about the family physicians in Victoria who provide maternity care at coastalmaternitycare.com

• Find out about the midwives providing care in Victoria at bcmidwives.com/find-a-midwife.html

• See your chosen care provider.

• Your care provider will probably:

• Ask about your medical history and get to know you a little

• Examine you, weigh you and measure your height

• Provide useful information about your health and safety (and those of your baby) during pregnancy

• Order medical tests (mostly blood tests)

• Offer prenatal screening for genetic abnormalities

• See you every four to six weeks until you get to 30 weeks.

• Continue your normal physical activity routine. Unless you have some special risk, there is no need to reduce your activity.

• If you are not regularly physically active, find an activity you can pursue throughout pregnancy—walk, swim, dance.

• Talk, talk, talk with your partner about your plans as co-parents. This is a good time to work on your relationship and make it as strong and harmonious as possible.

Try not to think too far ahead. Nine months is plenty of time to get everything organized for the baby. You will feel interested in different aspects of pregnancy, birth and parenting at different times, and that is normal. You don’t need to do everything at once.

Find other pregnant parents to talk to in person or online. It’s useful to hear about other people’s experiences, and to learn about local resources.

Be gentle with yourself. The first trimester is a time when you are likely to feel quite tired and overwhelmed. Nausea and vomiting are a common problem. As you move into the second trimester, you will probably feel better, and more energetic.

This is the first installment of a series about the Five Trimesters of Pregnancy. Check out an upcoming issue of Island Parent for more about how to thrive through your pregnancy and early parenting experience.

I have a new grandson! Well, he’s not that new, he is more than 15 months old now. But he still fills me with awe and delight, and I know he will continue to do so forever. I am also looking forward to all the things he will teach me, about being a grandmother, and the world and how to move through it.

His mother, Chloë, my daughter-in-law, has been teaching me since we first met many years ago. She has taught me about baking sourdough, making chickpea tofu, dying yarn and colour work in knitting. I am always amazed by the way she teaches herself new skills. Motherhood is no exception. Chloë has taken the role on so gracefully and thoughtfully.

I want to pass on one of Chloë’s most novel ideas. As she came out of the fog of the first few months of motherhood, Chloe realized how isolating it was to be at home, alone with a baby. Her partner (my son Simon) was back at work, all day, and she was going to have to find some mom friends to hang out with.

Those “mom friends” we make when our children are small are a very important part of our adjustment to our new role as a parent. In a isolating, solitary occupation, such as caring for a small child, they are our “colleagues.” If you started a new job as an accountant, rocket scientist or esthetician, you would want to make friends with other folks who do the same thing, face the same challenges and find solutions to the same problems. You need to know people who understand the life you lead and share the same ups and downs.

However, finding parent-colleagues isn’t easy. Especially when you are a parent for the first time. You can’t just go up to a pleasant-looking parent in the park and say what you did in kindergarten: “Will you be my friend? I like the colour of your baby-carrier. Mine is purple too.” (Although, I’m sure that might work in some cases. I would find it charming!)

You feel you should do something more sophisticated, more grown-up. You might feel shy in a way you have not for a long time. This is new territory.

Then you meet someone nice, you chat with them, but you find that by next week when you show up at the same play group, you have forgotten their name. Or you go back to the same stroller-fit class week after week, and they never show up again! You missed your chance to make a friend.

Chloë drew on her experience of networking in other contexts and decided to make a business card for her baby. She used one of the many online business card designing websites to design and order cards that had her baby’s name, as well as his parents’ names, their phone numbers and email address. Then, when she met a group of parents, she could hand her “family cards” around. It doesn’t guarantee they will call you to go for coffee, but it gives you a chance to connect. Chloë is back at her full-time job now, and my grandson is at daycare, but those family cards are still being used. Simon has handed them to other parents at daycare and music class, now that “play dates” are becoming a thing.

Business cards are not costly to make, there are several companies to choose from online, and designing the card is a great activity to do while you are nap-trapped. Make some cards, today and get out there! Develop your community of parents that will support you as you do this important but exhausting job.