School is hard for some kids (and their parents).
We might not know why our child is struggling, or how to support them or we might have a hard time asking the school for help. We might not even know that asking the school is an option.
Talking to the teacher, staff or administrators about our kid’s challenges can be overwhelming. So how do we work with our child’s support team to get help for them? And how do we help our kids at home?
For me, talking to my child’s teacher about her challenges with school wasn’t easy. When going to school became hard for my daughter, I had no clue how to approach her teacher about it. How could I share my daughter’s struggles with school and my parenting difficulties with a teacher I barely knew? The only words her teacher and I had exchanged were brief greetings in the hallway at drop-off and pick-up time.
What was I supposed to say to her teacher?
“My daughter doesn’t like school, I don’t know why, I don’t know what to do about it and I don’t know how we’ll get through the school year. And by the way, can you help us?”
That conversation felt like a big leap—a vulnerable risk.
Seek Support
FamilySmart’s Family Peer Support Workers can support parents and caregivers through those hard times with their child’s or teen’s mental health. They can also help families to find community and provincial support or services.
In the FamilySmart video Working Together: Families and Schools, Ashley Ragoonaden, principal at École KLO Middle School in Kelowna, speaks to FamilySmart’s Programs Director Victoria Keddis about creating relationships with your child’s school.
He and Keddis speak about parents and educators working together to build positive relationships with children and teens by focusing on their strengths and interests.
“Find out what their definition of success is,” says Ragoonaden.
“What are the things they would like to achieve? It’s about building trust, positive relationships and using the right language with them. From there, what are their interests? What are they good at? And then build a system around (that).”
Celebrate the Good
When my daughter struggled with school, a teacher who had a similar approach to Ragoonaden’s helped me focus more on my daughter’s strengths and interests, and less on the hard stuff. I learned to enjoy and celebrate the things that were going well for her and the things that she loved.
With that mind shift, I became a more relaxed parent. Her school experiences still weren’t easy, but after time, her strengths and love for music carried her through her challenges.
When we connect with our kids through their strengths and interests, we can begin to learn more about them.
Ask yourself how you can be creative about focusing on the things they love, or the things they are good at, so that you can build deeper connections with them.
When we build a strong relationship with our child, it’s more likely they will talk to us about their experiences and feelings. And when we build relationships with their teachers, it can make it easier to ask for help. We might even learn something about our child’s experiences at school. This approach can empower us and make us feel less alone.
Shift Your Mindset
As Ragoonaden explains, we can benefit from having a growth mindset, something he says is an approach that tells our kids that even if things aren’t going well now, we (the parents and the school) will find a way to support them.
“It’s about empowering your young person to say, ‘I am struggling now. Mom and dad, can you help me get better?’” he adds.
“Let the child know, ‘No matter what the struggles are, we can find a way to help you. We just haven’t found it yet.’”
Even then, it can be hard to not beat ourselves up or to feel like you should have this parenting thing all figured out. Through no fault of our own, sometimes it takes extra time and patience to learn and to make things easier. If you have a tendency to take on the blame, Ragoonaden has another message: Forgive yourself.
Learn more about FamilySmart’s programs and access resources such as the video featuring Ragoonaden and many more at familysmart.ca.
