It was 3 pm on a Tuesday, and I was one sarcastic eyeroll away from losing it. My kids were bickering, my to-do list felt like it had multiplied overnight and I hadn’t even thought about dinner. I remember sitting in my car for exactly 90 seconds, feeling my shoulders drop, and suddenly having the patience and presence I wanted to bring to my family.

That moment changed everything.

Here’s what I know from talking to so many parents: we’re not lazy for not meditating for 30 minutes a day. We’re busy. And we’re also drowning in the myth that self-care must be a luxury ritual with candles and quiet time. The truth? You don’t need a meditation pillow or an empty house. You need intentional pauses—tiny moments woven through your day that remind you who you want to be.

The Real Problem: Our Best Selves Show Up Only 20 Percent of the Time

Most of us don’t realize that even when we want to be at our best, we only access that version of ourselves about 20 percent of the time. The other 80 percent? We’re running on autopilot, driven by what the Positive Intelligence® framework labels “Saboteurs”—those inner voices that push us to overachieve, control everything, people-please, obsess over our to-do lists or get restless for something more. Sound familiar?

That harsh inner critic telling you you’re not doing enough? That’s the Judge, the loudest Saboteur of them all. And it gets really loud during the holiday season.

The good news? There’s science behind this: new neural pathways become visible on MRI imaging within eight weeks of practice. Shirzad Chamine, a Stanford researcher, developed the Positive Intelligence® framework to help us access our “Sage”—that calmer, more present version of ourselves that leads with curiosity and compassion instead of fear and judgement.

The 10-Second Game Changer

Let me introduce you to PQ® Reps—micro-practices that take literally 10 seconds. These are your secret weapon, especially when you’re buried in holiday chaos.

Pick one:

• Feel your coffee cup. Notice the warmth on your palms. Really feel it. That’s it. You’re present.

• Smell something with intention. The pine tree outside. Your kid’s shampoo. Your own hand cream. Breathe it in fully.

• Focus on your daughter’s hair (or look at anything as if you’d never seen it before—your own hand, a leaf, your partner’s face). Just observe.

• Listen to a specific sound. The hum of the fridge. A bird outside. Your kid’s laugh. Really tune in.

These tiny moments snap you out of the hamster wheel. They’re like internal reset buttons that remind your nervous system: I’m safe. I’m here. I can breathe.

The 2-Minute Practice That Actually Works

When you have a little more time, try this:

Focus on your breathing. Notice the air coming into your nostrils—it’s slightly cooler. Then the air leaving your nostrils—it’s slightly warmed. That’s all. Don’t change anything. Just observe. Two minutes (not even!) of this, and your whole nervous system recalibrates with the PQ® approach.

Sounds too simple? Try it when you’re about to snap at your teenager and then tell me it doesn’t work.

When the Holidays Get Loud

The reality is this: our Saboteurs don’t just get louder in November through January—they throw a full party. The Judge tells us we’re not doing enough. The Controller demands we orchestrate the perfect holiday (gifts, decorations, matching PJs…). The Pleaser says yes to everything and doesn’t want to disappoint anyone. The Restless part keeps looking for the next thing instead of savouring what’s in front of us.

And then comes January with its “New Year, New You” energy, and we pile on more pressure. But what if, instead of adding more to your plate, you just paused? What if you checked in with your intention and said, “Actually, I’m good. I showed up. That’s enough.”

This framework isn’t about becoming someone else. It’s about becoming more of who you already are—the patient version, the present version, the version that enjoys your kids instead of just managing them.

The Invitation

You’ve got this. You don’t need a meditation retreat (although that would be nice!). You need a coffee cup, a breath and 10 seconds.

The beauty of accessing your Sage, even in tiny doses, is that it compounds. After six to eight weeks, you’ll notice your kids are calmer around you. You’re quicker to laugh instead of snap. You’re present instead of mentally three tasks ahead.

That’s not magic. That’s neural rewiring. That’s you, finally, showing up as the parent you always knew you could be. Start today, 10 seconds at a time.

When you separate from your spouse and you have kids, life can be very stressful. As a single mom of two kids, who separated when my youngest was four (and he recently celebrated his 18th birthday), here is what I learned during those first few tender years of co-parenting.

1. Agree on a safe way to communicate. If talking on the phone always escalates to a shouting match, agree to text only for the first few months. Taking small steps to de-escalate the relational trauma that you bring to the co-parenting relationship can help you to detach from the hurt of the break-up. For the immediate future, the two of you are joined daily by the bond of parenthood. If there is a storm, you must go through it together.

2. Always take the high road. The kids come first. No matter what your ex-brother-in-law or therapy-bestie says, the root of the matter is your kids are watching you. Recently separated parents often feel raw, betrayed and most of us feel like lashing out at someone. Nothing adds gas to the fire more readily than fighting in front of the kids about the kids. By handling conflict in private, it will be less damaging for the kids. Try to show your children the best side of your adult selves. They will emulate that maturity and self-regulation sooner and more naturally. Kids learn from their parents and guardians, and newly separated parents need to pull up their socks and get parenting.

3. Embrace flexibility. Plan on changing the dates of big holidays to accommodate the other parent. Holiday times become the most stressful events in a child’s world if the parents are struggling to cope with not having them on a specific day. If you can start from the minute you separate to think of special times as being any time you get to spend with your child, then holidays can be smoother for everyone. The trick here is not to lock horns with your ex. No one wins and the children are always the ones who pay for your conflict (think anxiety and depression).

4. Do the paperwork. Do your separation agreement immediately. This document is really important. It doesn’t have to be complicated, but it does need to be finished and signed. You will use it more than you might be able to imagine now. There is no way around it. It requires some work, some focused time without kids around, some bare basic statements of fact and some witnesses. It can be exclusive of custody agreements, and can be done with a mediator, a friend or a lawyer. It is a document that unzips the zipper of your defunct relationship. The BC government has many tools that recently separated parents can access. Familylawinbc.ca is a good place to start. We used mysupportcalculator.ca every year for the 14 years that we have shared kids and costs. Agreeing on some mutually acceptable tools to use can make the annual tasks much less stressful.

5. Focus on your individual strengths. If one of you is an extrovert and loves hosting the birthday parties, celebrate that! If one of you is really good a filling out school paperwork, own it! If you have a strong skill that you feel is easy for you as a parent, offer to do that for your kids. By voicing what you want to do in the new co-parenting relationship, you are waving a white flag. Think ahead to your next meeting or text: What can I offer to this new reality with my children? How can I contribute to some harmony?

6. Take care of yourselves! Exercise, healthy activities and resting are all parts of parenting well. You are going through an intense experience. It is a big, emotional, physical and psychological change that is happening in and around you. Be gentle to yourselves. Eating cake for dinner and watching sappy movies when you are by yourself is also a normal response to separation. It will pass. Activities that get you out of your head can benefit you, your children and your ex-co-parent relationship.

Take stock of what you have—you have beautiful, vibrant, demanding kids who need you now more than ever. Celebrate what you can achieve in your new normal and name your limitations. You might find you like your ex more as a person once you can establish some routine. Meeting yourself where you are is the biggest part of learning how to be a good parent or guardian.

Have you ever wondered:

“Is my child’s behaviour typical?”

“Is their development on track?”

“Could my child have a mental health challenge or need extra support?”

The answers to these questions aren’t always straightforward. Every child is different, and kids can’t always articulate what they’re experiencing or feeling. So, as parents, how do we know if we should find support for our child’s mental health, and where can we find it?

To help us answer these questions, FamilySmart, together with Karen Peters, created three videos for parents and caregivers: Beyond Behaviors: When Is It More? What It Looks Like Ages 4–8, What It Looks Like Ages 9–12 and for parents of teens, What It Looks Like Ages 13+.

Peters’ expertise as a registered clinical counsellor and her lived experience as a mom helps parents understand typical child development, when it might be helpful to find out more about our kid’s behaviour or feelings and when to reach out for extra help. The videos address a range of kids’ ages.

“We see things like kids getting left out or rules getting broken,” says Peters.

“When struggles are chronic… going on for two years, that’s where the flag happens.”

Each video in this series starts with an animated analogy that compares parenting to swimming in a pool. This helps us to put our parenting challenges into perspective. Some of us parent in the deep end where it’s busy and stressful, others parent in the shallow end with seemingly little effort and some of us spend time on the poolside. And then there’s the lifeguards and life rings that can support us. The videos help explain when and how to reach out for a life ring.

When my kids had some challenges with their mental health, I often swam in the deep end of the pool. Now and then, when things got easier for a brief time, I waded through the shallow end—a little more refreshing and always more relaxing.

After Peters helps us figure out where we are parenting in the pool analogy, she walks us through what to expect physically, socially/emotionally and cognitively with our child’s development, depending on our kid’s age. She gives us practical examples of what typical developments can look like in our kids, and what it can look like when our kids might have some challenges that we need to address.

“We put a lot of pressure on ourselves and when there are opportunities to take tiny breaks, we don’t take them because we feel guilty for not somehow always being present for our child,” says Peters.

“Please give yourself permission. It requires you to say, ‘I will let myself take a break when I need to.’ I was able to do this when I recognized it wasn’t just about me feeling better. My child benefited, my partner benefitted, we all benefited.”

Despite all the learning we do as parents, sometimes it’s still hard to tell if our child’s development or behaviour is typical. When this happens, Peters talks about doing our own curiosity assessments with our kids to find out more about what they might be experiencing.

If we discover that our child or teen might need extra support in some areas, or that they might have a mental health challenge, we need to know where to go for help. Peters offers some suggestions for finding the lifeguards or life rings to support us.

“Don’t rule out connecting with other people,” she says.

“That interactive care offers something we can’t give ourselves. We need to connect with other people to recognize, that truly, we are not alone.”

As we journey through all our child’s developmental stages and challenges, we can learn from our kids, other parents, ourselves and the experts. Sometimes the learning is hard, and sometimes it’s beyond hard.

When it’s hard, asking for support can be hard, too. FamilySmart’s Family Peer Support Workers are in communities across BC, and they can make it easier. They support parents/caregivers who have kids with mental health challenges, even if their child doesn’t have a diagnosis. They help families find services and provide emotional support and resources. Find out who your Family Peer Support Worker is in your community by going to http://familysmart.ca/family-peer-support.

The holidays are often portrayed as joyful, cozy and magical but for many families, they can also be overwhelming. Between disrupted routines, overstimulation, family dynamics and unspoken expectations, both children and parents can feel emotionally stretched. Joy and frustration often show up together. That doesn’t mean something is wrong, it just means everyone is human.

Children don’t yet have the fully developed brains to regulate big emotions on their own. When their nervous systems become overloaded by noise, disappointment, exhaustion or social pressure, they flip into fight, flight or freeze. What they need most in those moments isn’t a consequence or quick fix, they need connection and co-regulation.

At the same time, parents may be carrying their own stress: financial strain, full schedules, perfection pressure or unresolved family tensions. When a child melts down over a broken cookie or the wrong socks, even a loving parent can feel themselves reaching the edge.

These moments are hard and yet, they’re also where emotional learning happens. How we respond as parents shapes how our children understand themselves, others and relationships. When families move through the messy parts with compassion rather than shame, kids learn to do the same and that’s where resilience begins.

When There’s Disappointment

Gift-giving is often where big expectations meet big emotions. Maybe your child didn’t get the gift they were hoping for. Or their sibling got something they secretly wanted. Or they open a present and say, “This isn’t what I wanted.”

In that instant, many parents feel a pang of embarrassment, frustration or hurt. It can feel like a lack of gratitude and our instinct is to correct it: “Say thank you.” “You should be grateful!”

But when we jump straight to teaching gratitude, we sometimes miss what’s really happening underneath. Most often, this isn’t about entitlement, it’s about disappointment. Your child can feel thankful for receiving a gift and still wish it were something different. Those two emotions can coexist.

When we misinterpret disappointment as ungratefulness, we risk shaming kids for being honest about a very normal human experience. But when we pause and make space for both feelings: gratitude and disappointment, joy and sadness, we help them develop emotional flexibility.

You might try saying: “You were really hoping for something else. It’s okay to feel disappointed and we can still show appreciation for what we’re given.”

That balance—empathy first, teaching second—is where real emotional learning happens.

Practical Strategies for Supporting Kids Through Holiday Emotions

Strategy #1: Pause Before Responding. Take a breath, soften your shoulders and speak slowly. Your calm nervous system is the most powerful tool in the room.

Strategy #2: Name the Feeling, Not the Behaviour. Try: “You’re really disappointed your cousin got the gift you wanted.” This helps kids feel understood, which lowers emotional intensity.

Strategy #3: Connection Before Correction. Problem-solving works best after a child feels safe. Once calm, you can talk about gratitude, tone of voice or kindness.

Strategy #4: Repair When Needed. If you snap, it’s okay. Try: “I was feeling overwhelmed and I yelled. I’m sorry. I love you, and I want to try again.”

Simple Scripts for Tricky Moments

• Gift Disappointment: “You were really hoping for something different. It’s okay to feel upset.”

• Overwhelmed in a Busy House: “There’s a lot happening right now. Let’s take a quiet break together.”

• Sibling Conflict: “You both want the same toy. I won’t let anyone get hurt. Let’s figure this out.”

• When a Parent Loses Patience: “I’m feeling overwhelmed too. I’m going to take a breath so I can help better.”

About five years ago, my eldest son was enjoying the last few weeks of summer before starting kindergarten.

One night, while reading a bedtime story together, it hit me—he wasn’t recognizing any words when I encouraged him to try. Not even the simple ones.

That familiar wave of mom-guilt crept in. Somewhere along the way, I’d absorbed the idea that kids should be able to read a few basic words before kindergarten. I worried that I hadn’t focused enough on “sight words”—those little connecting helper words like the, and, is, to, was and so on.

After some quick research, I learned these high-frequency words appear so often in books—and don’t always follow regular phonics rules—that it helps when children memorize them by sight.

So, I dove in. We started reading together every night, pointing out the sight words and recalling them as they appeared on the next page. I figured if we repeated them enough times, it would eventually click.

But it didn’t. Not right away.

Then a wise friend told me something that stuck: “When it comes to learning, kids are like popcorn—they pop when they’re ready.”

And that really clicked for me.

My son went off to kindergarten, and in his own time, began recognizing and reading those sight words. Before long, he was reading full books on his own, curled up before bed, softly reading aloud just for the joy of it.

That moment shifted something in me. “Have a little more trust in the universe,” I whispered to myself.

My firstborn taught me to have faith in the natural rhythm of learning and development. But then—my universe tested me again. With twins. Boy-girl twins, who I’ve been told countless times not to compare to one another. And yet, that’s easier said than done.

When you give life to two beings who once shared a womb—who’ve been in sync since their very first heartbeat—it’s hard not to compare. But as fraternal twins, they only share a birthday.

They’ve always had their own pace, their own way. My boy twin, Liam, was born one minute earlier and has often been weeks (sometimes months) ahead in things like crawling, walking and coordination. Mila, on the other hand, has always led with personality—sass, confidence and independence. She’s the boss, and he’s her biggest supporter.

My husband and I sometimes catch ourselves comparing their development to where our eldest was at that age and then remind ourselves that it’s neither constructive nor fair. They had completely different starting lines.

Twins often show what’s called developmental trading—one may advance in language while the other excels in physical or social skills, balancing each other out over time. They also tend to communicate more with each other than with adults, using shared cues, gestures or even their own mini language (which I can absolutely attest to!).

It’s one of my favourite parts of being a twin mom—even if it sometimes makes their speech appear delayed when, in truth, they’re communicating beautifully in their own way.

Now, a few months into kindergarten, I’ve noticed some of those same old worries creeping back in—especially around reading. But this time, I’m doing my best to quiet them. Because what I’ve learned about learning is that our children are our teachers, too. They’ve taught me to slow down, to have faith and to trust the process of popcorn—because they’re always learning. And they’ll pop when they’re ready.

Every December, I make personalized Christmas cards. I love doing a little family photo shoot and choosing the best picture. I love uploading the winner to Vistaprint and I pouring over backgrounds. I love debating what the best family message to include should be.

Once the Christmas cards have been ordered, I wait eagerly for the package to come in the mail, choose the right moment to savour opening the fat envelope and marvel over how our digital image has magically come to life through the heft of cardstock. Then comes the stage of thinking who we should send the cards to: Who we’ve become closer to this year and who we don’t see very often but still feel connected to. I make a spreadsheet with the recipients and their addresses and it’s always a bit of a life assessment—how have our relationships changed over the year? Who are new friends that get added? Who have we grown closer to? Who has drifted away?

As much as I love making and writing and sending customized Christmas cards, I also dislike doing Christmassy things in November, or worse, anytime earlier than that. I like keeping November relatively empty—a breather between Halloween and Christmas. A month when there aren’t witch or ghost or holly or stocking gel stickies on the windows and the mantel is covered with the usual clutter rather than holiday-themed clutter. I’ll buy some stocking stuffers in November but most of the presents I buy in December. Because well, it’s fun and it feels festive to Christmas shop that time of year. November is a wet and dreary month, not a seasonal one. It’s a time for Halloween recovery, Remembrance Day and soaked soccer practices.

Card making isn’t the only holiday tradition I enjoy. I like choosing wrapping paper from Winners and little gift labels from the Papery. I like making a list of who I’m getting presents for and what will go in the stocking. I like making shortbread cookies (because if you don’t make them at Christmas, when do you make them?). I like making photo albums for the grandparents or at least finding a couple of good pictures of them with my daughter to print out.

I like all these Christmas traditions, they’re meaningful. They prompt reflection and connection. They make a cold and dark time of year more exciting. Yet, they also happen at the same time as the school Christmas concert, the gymnastics medal ceremony, the “deciding who will host Christmas dinner and when,” the planning our annual New Year’s Day hike and pot luck…

On their own, each of these Christmas traditions is a treat. If the only task was making Christmas cards and sending them, that would be enjoyable. Christmas shopping by itself is enjoyable. Hosting dinner can even be enjoyable—if you have the time to plan and clean and defrost a turkey. But all of them at once? And under a strict timeline? The time pressure and multitasking turn fun activities into panic-induced chores. Half of me likes sending the cards, the satisfying feeling of a stack of envelopes getting dropped into a letter box, while the other half of me starts to simmer: “No one sends us cards anyways! They’d better appreciate this.”

A friend of mine says that she does all her Christmas preparations in November: “I feel way less stressed now that I do everything early, I’d really recommend it.” To which I give her an imaginary middle finger: “Thanks tips.”

This is, of course, the most obvious solution to manage the mayhem but I am truly not the type who has a spreadsheet for anything other than Christmas cards. The idea of a type-B person like me pulling off all the Christmas prep by November 30 is laughable.

Have I learned from my frenzied Christmases past? Does the ghost of last year’s midnight present wrapping or pre-Christmas party insomnia inform my Christmas present? Not really.

I have learned to take a few extra days off leading up to Christmas, favourite a few good photos in November, keep an eye open for cute angels for grandma’s collection whenever I’m shopping. But I still always get stumped on my brother and pull something together last-minute. I still don’t even take the photo that will end up on our cards until early December. Our cards often end up with a “Happy New Year” note scribbled on the envelope. But hey, they get there in the end.

What’s Christmas without a little overwhelm? And who am I without my aversion to November Christmas prep? Maybe one day I’ll learn…but not this year.

Back in my day, there was no streaming library of shows, no pocket-sized screens with endless dopamine hits, no immediate gratification at the press of a button. If we were bored, we were bored. And eventually, something came of it: forts made of bedsheets, stories scribbled in old notebooks, role play with stuffies and old phone books, all orchestrated with nothing but a homemade costume and a little imagination.

Fast-forward to 2025, and boredom feels almost impossible. Our kids are wired for constant stimulation, and we as parents often feel pressure to provide it. But what if boredom isn’t a problem to be solved, but a gift we’ve forgotten how to give?

Why It Matters (for Them and for Us)

Imagination is like a muscle. And like any muscle, it needs practice, stretching and exposure to grow strong. When kids sit in the uncomfortable silence of boredom, they’re flexing that muscle. With time, it gets easier for them to create their own fun, stories and worlds.

And here’s the kicker: it matters for us too. A dear friend and former homeschooler mom shared with me that for years, she felt it was her job to manage every moment of her kids’ day, until she made the conscious decision to stop. Now her kids are thriving, and she feels free—even with a full-time job, and plenty of juggling. That hit home. I used to think that managing my kids’ every move—filling every gap with activities, crafts and ideas—made me a “better” mom. But really, it just exhausted me. Maybe the ideal isn’t constant management. Maybe the gift is stepping back.

The Gift of Wonder

Here’s the magic: once boredom is welcomed, wonder sneaks in. Kids start to see the extraordinary in the ordinary—cloud animals drifting by, a cardboard box turned boat, bugs on the sidewalk holding a protest.

Wonder is a gift we could use too. When we’re not scrambling to entertain or micromanage, we start to notice things again: the way light hits our favourite spot on the couch, a book ready to be picked up, the joy of a phone-free walk (gasp!).

What Boredom Builds (in My House)

In my own home, boredom has led to:

• Creativity: Paper airplanes; elaborate drawings; kid-sized market booths where parents get to shop, and enjoy a guilt-free plate of decadent desserts made of pom poms, while paying an absurd amount of fake (well-spent) money.

• Collaboration: Siblings working together on forts, projects and role play (and yes, sometimes squabbling, it’s an inevitable part of the process).

• Life Skills and Connection: Inviting us into their play while practicing autonomy and leadership.

• Problem-Solving: “How do I re-shape this airplane so it has more speed?” “Why does this angle look off in my drawing?”

• Resilience: When things flop, they try again—without me stepping in to rescue them.

The shift has been striking. Instead of, “What are we doing now?” or “When can I get screen time?” I’ve started hearing, “Just a sec, Mom—we’re working on a project!”

These aren’t just cute byproducts. They’re essential life skills. Kids who learn to tolerate boredom are better equipped to face challenges later in life, whether it’s handling frustration, waiting their turn or solving real-world problems.

A Parent’s Quiet Win

Letting our kids be bored is one of the best gifts we can give ourselves. By stepping out of the role of cruise director and constant dopamine supplier, we reclaim time, energy and little slices of joy that used to get lost in the shuffle. We don’t have to be their endless entertainment. We get to watch them grow into it on their own.

Boredom Is Not the Enemy

Boredom is an open door. For them and for us. So, the next time your kids groan, “I’m bored,” or complain (because they will), remember this: No, you don’t have to fix it, and no, you are not failing them. You’re modelling what it looks like to slow down, look up (phone down) and rediscover the wonder around you. We can stop overthinking, let go of control and remember that our nervous system deserves rest just as much as our kids’ imagination deserves freedom.

So, here’s my invitation: Let them be bored. Let yourself be bored. You both might just find the gift you didn’t know you needed.

3 Quick Ways to Embrace Boredom This Week

1. Set the Stage: Offer open-ended tools (paper, blocks, boxes) and step back.

2. Pause for the Cause: When the whining hits, pause before reacting. You are building your patience muscle too.

3. Notice the Wonder: Point out clouds, shadows, shapes—little details that can spark their imagination.

Toddlers don’t come with a manual and some days it feels like they should. Between meltdowns over the wrong colour cup, resistance to getting dressed and endless curiosity about everything they shouldn’t touch, parents are often left wondering, “What the heck am I supposed to do right now?”

If you’ve ever asked yourself that question, you’re not alone. Every parent of a toddler has been there: feeling stuck, second-guessing themselves and wishing there was a step-by-step guide for getting through these years. While no manual exists, there is a powerful tool you can lean on: play.

Why Play Works

Play isn’t just fun; it’s a toddler’s first language. Children explore the world, learn new skills and process big feelings through imagination. Research shows that play lowers stress, strengthens relationships and makes cooperation more likely.

When parents weave play into daily routines, they shift the dynamic from control to connection. Instead of demanding compliance, you’re inviting your child into something they already understand and enjoy. For toddlers, this feels safe and engaging which makes cooperation more likely. Who doesn’t want more connection and cooperation with their toddler?

Play in Practice: Everyday Strategies

The good news? You don’t have to be endlessly creative or energetic. Small doses of playful connection can go a long way. Here are a few ways to try it at home:

• Turn routines into games. Try racing to see who can put shoes on first, or sing a silly song while brushing teeth.

• Add pretend to tricky tasks. The toothbrush becomes a car wash for teeth. The laundry basket turns into a rocket ship.

• Role-reversal play. Let your toddler be the “parent” giving you directions for two minutes. This helps them feel empowered and often makes them more willing to follow directions afterward.

• Sprinkle in silliness. Use a funny voice, make a pretend mistake or move like your favourite animal on the way to the car. Laughter is one of the fastest ways to diffuse tension.

Play Without Pressure

What if being playful doesn’t come naturally?

• You didn’t grow up with playful parents. Start small: a silly wink or quick race is enough.

• You’re tired. Try low-energy play like a high-five game or a funny voice.

• You worry about losing authority. Remember: playful doesn’t mean permissive. You can be both silly and firm.

• You don’t know what to do. Let your toddler lead. They’ve got enough imagination for both of you.

Play is a Parenting Tool, Not a Performance

For many parents, being playful doesn’t always come easily. You may feel awkward, exhausted or unsure of what to do. That’s okay. Play doesn’t have to be elaborate or constant. Even 30 seconds of silliness can shift the energy, reduce resistance and create a moment of connection.

The truth is, parenting toddlers will never come with a manual, but you don’t need one. Imagination and playfulness are often the next best thing. They help you guide your child through big feelings, lighten the hardest moments and remind you both that connection matters more than control. With play in your pocket, you already have one of the best tools there is.

Much like money is energy, social wealth is energy, too.

Launching anything on your own can feel hard, so I find the path of least resistance is to collaborate. I wanted to organize a private family fun day, so I sent a message out to a few moms in the locale asking if anyone wanted to help. I got a message back from one mom saying, “Yes, let’s meet for a coffee to make a plan.”

Within a few days we met and decided on a location that was familiar to our kiddos and had washrooms. We looked at the weather and decided on the warmest day—less than a week away. Regarding what to bring, we decided on lawn bowls, garden games, frisbee and a ball. We would bring a few extra snacks and drinks and as many chairs as we could get our hands on.

We each sent a few messages and voilà—we created a private family fun day—with six families joining us over three hours.

We played lawn bowling and frisbee with the children when we first arrived, then they warmed up and we barely heard from them for the second half, enabling us to connect deeply with some of the wonderful families we kept meaning to do something with but never have.

I didn’t put this event on to get anything back—I needed this, just as much as the other families who came. It was fun and therapeutic, and we all went home feeling lighter and fulfilled.

Two days later, I got a call from one of the moms who attended: “Would I like a box ticket to see Bush in concert that night?” “Ummmmmmm, yes please!” And so, I went and had the time of my life, singing and dancing along with five moms and Gavin Rossdale (a few extra folks who were also there).

Would I have gotten this invite if I hadn’t put on the family fun day? Maybe, but the friend who invited me, is well connected and in demand, she has many mom friends that she could have invited, and I am still relatively new in town.

I know that organizing events can feel hard, when we are juggling all the things, but if you have an impulse, I encourage you to act! See if someone else wants to help, pick a date, location, decide what to bring and trust that it will all come together—easy peasy!

Parenting doesn’t come with a manual, but if there was one universal truth to tuck in our back pockets, it might be this: When in doubt, play.

Most of the time when our children have a problem (whether they are a crying baby, complaining middle schooler or mopey teenager), the situation can be improved by getting creative and “shaking things up a bit.”

The cure for their woes isn’t another gadget or activity packed calendar. It’s something simpler, more powerful and always available: play, imagination and creativity—for all ages.

Have a fussy infant on your hands? Skip the complicated tricks and try making a silly face. A giggle might be just what they need. When your elementary-aged child declares that everything is “boring,” instead of stopping what you are doing to entertain them, ask them to help you solve a problem, or crank up the music for a living-room dance party.

Tween and teens need play too—though they might roll their eyes at the suggestion. While it’s tempting to let them zone out in front of a screen for hours, sometimes the best cure for that glazed-over look is a spark of creativity. Story games at the dinner table, listening to a podcast or starting a project together reminds them (and us) that play doesn’t end when childhood does.

Then there’s the universal phrase every parent knows all too well: “I’m bored.” Whether from a preschooler or teen, boredom is not the enemy—it’s a gift. Let them “be in it.”

The imaginative play, storytelling or idea to make something that comes out of sitting in the uncomfortable feeling of having nothing else to do, can transform that dull moment into something memorable.

And letting go of the feeling, that you need to constantly entertain your child, is a huge win for you too!

Parents aren’t immune to ruts either. The daily grind can leave us feeling drained and disconnected. The answer? Socialization. Thinking outside the box about how we gather with friends and other parents helps us build our village. A potluck picnic at the park with friends, an extended family hike or talking to a parent that you connect with at school pick-up can turn ordinary afternoons into something extraordinary.

So, the next time your child (or you) seems stuck, remember this simple truth: play is not just for kids. It’s the secret ingredient for joy, connection and resilience at every age.

When in doubt, play.

– Stacie Gaetz