You might be thinking “Wow! It worked!” Or “Oh no! What now?” Or maybe even a bit of both.

Being pregnant is a physical process—the process of growing the baby inside of you, your body changing and preparing to give birth and lactate. But pregnancy is also an intense time psychologically and emotionally.

If you have a life-partner, the two of you change from a couple into a family. Every member of your family of origin moves on the family tree—they become grandparents and aunts and uncles, cousins and siblings. Roles and relationships shift and change.

It’s no wonder you feel overwhelmed! Here are some resources that can help you, important “to dos” to add to your list, and ideas you might like to think about and discuss with your partner, family or friends.

We are going to focus on the first trimester—the first 12 weeks of pregnancy, when you are getting used to the idea of having a baby.

You might have some early symptoms of pregnancy—sore breasts, moodiness, cramping, a little spotting (implantation spotting around day 21 to 22 of your cycle is normal and nothing to worry about)—or you may have none of these.

Resources

There is a lot to know about how pregnancy affects you and how your body and your baby will grow and change. Relying on trusted sources of information is important:

• Perinatal Services BC has a lot of good, BC-specific resources and information, including a Pregnancy Passport full of tips and places to record the steps on your journey. Check out perinatalservicesbc.ca/health-info/pregnancy for more information.

• SmartParentCanada.ca is a program that sends you short text messages that are timed to your week of pregnancy. This is a great way to get information in small digestible bits!

• Health Canada offers a free booklet available online called Your Guide to a Health Pregnancy.

• If you prefer a hard-copy book, Pregnancy, Childbirth and the Newborn by Penny Simkin is excellent, and will answer many of your questions for the next year.

• Lamaze International offers a weekly email with tips and updates based on your due date. Sign up to receive it at lamaze.org/giving-birth-with-confidence.

Now What?

• Start taking a pregnancy vitamin tablet with folic acid—talk to your pharmacist, they will help you choose.

• Find a care-provider—do you want a doctor or a midwife? Both types of care are covered by the BC Medical Services Plan.

• Find out about the family physicians in Victoria who provide maternity care at coastalmaternitycare.com

• Find out about the midwives providing care in Victoria at bcmidwives.com/find-a-midwife.html

• See your chosen care provider.

• Your care provider will probably:

• Ask about your medical history and get to know you a little

• Examine you, weigh you and measure your height

• Provide useful information about your health and safety (and those of your baby) during pregnancy

• Order medical tests (mostly blood tests)

• Offer prenatal screening for genetic abnormalities

• See you every four to six weeks until you get to 30 weeks.

• Continue your normal physical activity routine. Unless you have some special risk, there is no need to reduce your activity.

• If you are not regularly physically active, find an activity you can pursue throughout pregnancy—walk, swim, dance.

• Talk, talk, talk with your partner about your plans as co-parents. This is a good time to work on your relationship and make it as strong and harmonious as possible.

Try not to think too far ahead. Nine months is plenty of time to get everything organized for the baby. You will feel interested in different aspects of pregnancy, birth and parenting at different times, and that is normal. You don’t need to do everything at once.

Find other pregnant parents to talk to in person or online. It’s useful to hear about other people’s experiences, and to learn about local resources.

Be gentle with yourself. The first trimester is a time when you are likely to feel quite tired and overwhelmed. Nausea and vomiting are a common problem. As you move into the second trimester, you will probably feel better, and more energetic.

This is the first installment of a series about the Five Trimesters of Pregnancy. Check out an upcoming issue of Island Parent for more about how to thrive through your pregnancy and early parenting experience.

Fed is best. Plain and simple.

New parents are feeling the pressure to feed their newborns “the right way.” Pressure from social media, pressure from friends, pressure from family, pressure from health providers and most devastatingly… pressure they put on themselves.

I struggled breastfeeding my children, who are now in their teens. I had a head full of professional information, as I was working as a public health nurse in a rural community, and promoting breastfeeding was a big part of my mandate. Even so, I found a disconnect between my knowledge and practical experience. I had several challenges with my first: engorgement, nipple damage, mastitis and sore nipples when I became pregnant again.

Despite these many challenges, he fed like a champ and for the record, he seems to be okay today. Though he was diagnosed with a milk protein allergy, it faded with time, and soon enough he could happily eat ice cream.

My daughter was a different story. Breastfeeding was certainly easier the second time around, but wow, was she ever a challenge to wean!

Yes, I found breastfeeding challenging and stressful at times, but it was something I wanted to do. There were two things that were instrumental for me to get through my challenges with breastfeeding: I was confident that I could do it and I was supported by my husband and extended family.

Let’s tie this article back to the theme explore. I took myself to an uncomfortable place, professionally and personally. I explored motherhood in a way that would have been familiar to my grandmother’s grandmother, all the while with an eye on the latest research. Here are the tips I would like to pass along from that exploration, from both those points of view:

First, ask yourself: What does infant feeding look like for your family? There is such a flexible continuum from exclusively breastfed to exclusively bottle-fed infant formula. Plans change, goals change. Who is there to support you in your decisions and goals?

Second, trust yourself. You know your baby better than anyone. Lean on your family and friends for support. Some jobs can only be done by mom, most others are up for sharing. If you are up multiple times at night breastfeeding, pumping and/or preparing infant formula… let them help during the day. Seriously, someone else can do dishes, meal prep, grocery shopping, pharmacy runs. Can someone oversee feeding you? You need fluids and calories as you give fluids and calories to your little one. If using alternative feeding methods (spoon, cup, syringe, bottle) and providing expressed breast milk (EBM) or infant formula, who will prepare and clean supplies? You also need rest. I’ll say it again, you need rest. No, really, you need time to rest.

Third, ask for help. There is a broad community willing and waiting to help you if you would like support with new skills like latching, positioning, breast compressions, hand expression or paced bottle feeding, reach out. These skills take time to learn; it’s work. Our grandparents who may have grown up with infant siblings, or older siblings with young children, learned by watching and helping. Many of us born later haven’t been so fortunate, but we can learn by asking and listening (or reading). Here are some community supports you can call: your healthcare provider (maternity physician, midwife, family physician), your local public health unit, La Leche League and/or lactation consultants. Public health nurses may offer infant feeding support at the health unit, at home or at Infant Feeding Clinics. La Leche League may have online or in-person group meetings and have some great online resources. Lactation Consultants can be found through BC Lactation Consultant Association and may be covered by some extended health benefit plans. Also, if you are pregnant, consider learning about infant feeding options before you have your baby.

It is important to feed your baby, of course it is. It is also very important to ensure that parent(s)’ needs are being met. Everyone in the family needs NESTs: nutrition, exercise (or at least some fresh air!), sleep (even if it’s broken sleep) and time to themselves (to feel like yourself again). This ensures the physical and mental health of everyone in the family.

Best of luck as you explore your infant feeding goals!

I  think it’s time to set a new standard for baby showers; let’s give the onesies a break.

Now, don’t get me wrong, onesies have their charm, and of course, babies need to be dressed. However, following the excitement of creating baby registries loaded with pricey gadgets and gifting new parents with adorable outfits their little ones will outgrow in the blink of an eye, we often overlook a crucial point: The ultimate gift for new parents can be the nourishing gift of wholesome meals.

When I became a mother, I realized the profound significance of feeding friends and family who had just welcomed a baby. What I had perceived as a thoughtful gesture turned into a lifeline, a most genuine and profound blessing. The old saying “it takes a village to raise a child” is particularly true, underlining the essential role that caring for the new mother plays.

The postpartum period is a delicate and transformative time for mothers, both physically and emotionally. The body undergoes numerous changes during pregnancy and childbirth, and proper nutrition is essential for recovery. Adequate nutrient intake supports the healing of tissues, replenishes energy reserves and helps the body regain strength after the taxing process of giving birth.

Whole-food nutrition is fundamental for postpartum recovery, helping to address the intricate needs of the body during this complex healing process. The importance of nutrition for new parents extends beyond merely satisfying hunger; macronutrients fuel the body, while balanced micronutrients promote a healing journey. The primary emphasis is placed on the new mother, acknowledging her distinct requirements during a time of significant transformation. By tending to her well-being, she can, in turn, focus on and nurture her newborn with the vital energy required. Choosing a balanced diet becomes an intentional act of self-care, a conscious decision to nurture both body and mind throughout the challenging yet fulfilling stages of early motherhood.

Bringing homemade meals or organizing a meal train to offer support to new parents are wonderful options. A meal train is a collaborative effort where friends and family sign up to provide homemade meals on a scheduled basis. This collective effort not only lightens the load for the new parents but also strengthens the bonds within the community, creating a network of support that extends beyond the confines of the kitchen.

Here is one of my favourite nourishing meals for a mother’s recovery. This Mediterranean Mason Jar Salad was designed to nourish and restore during the challenging postpartum phase. This flavourful dish not only supports physical healing but also provides a feeling of comfort and self-care for the new mother.

And if cooking isn’t your thing, no worries! Victoria offers various local businesses that specialize in providing nutritious fresh and frozen “ready-to-serve” meals for those who may not have the time or interest in preparing meals.

Nurturing the new mother is a heartfelt initiative that goes beyond a simple act of kindness. Providing nutritious meals to a recovering mother is a tangible way to support her physical and emotional well-being during the postpartum period. By focusing on a well-rounded diet that includes essential nutrients, you contribute to her recovery, energy levels and overall resilience as she embraces the transformative journey of motherhood.

Mediterranean Mason Jar Salad (Servings: 2)

2 tsps Greek seasoning

2 Tbsps extra virgin olive oil

1 Tbsp lemon juice

1⁄4 cucumber (large, diced)

1⁄2 red bell pepper (large, diced)

6 oz whole rotisserie chicken (cooked, meat only, bones removed)

1 cup white navy beans (cooked, rinsed)

1⁄4 cup red onion (chopped finely)

1⁄4 cup sun dried tomatoes (drained, chopped)

1⁄4 cup feta cheese (cubed)

2 cups mixed greens

2 Tbsps pumpkin seeds (toasted)

In a small bowl, whisk together the seasoning, oil and the lemon juice.

Assemble the Mason Jar Salads: line up your mason jars. To each jar divide equally the dressing, diced cucumber, red peppers, shredded chicken, beans, red onion, sun dried tomatoes, feta cheese, mixed greens and the seeds.

Put the lid on and store in the refrigerator for up to four days.

I have just had the immense pleasure of meeting my first grandchild! He is such a delicious little blob of goo. So soft and warm. I have always loved babies and am happy to cuddle any baby at all. But my own son’s baby feels very special indeed. My daughter-in-law, Chloë, and my son, Simon, who live in Ontario, were very conscientious in curating a wish-list for their baby shower. So I thought I would share some of those items the new parents liked the best and found the most useful. And I have added some of my favourites, too.

1. Swift Playard by MaxiCosi

Chloë absolutely loves this. She says it’s super clutch to have a shallow bassinet where the baby can sleep in the living room, and where they can change a quick diaper. Later it will convert to a deeper playard which can fold up and come along on trips to friends’ houses.

I like that it’s got wooden legs—makes it feels like furniture instead of camping equipment. And it’s very light and easy to set up; I was able to do it with no trouble. maxicosi.com/ca-en/swift-playard-05430-mc-ca-en.html

2. Happy Island Diaper Service

Simon is so impressed with the Diaper Service they are using in Ontario. He very much wanted to use cloth diapers, but they live in an apartment with coin-operated laundry. So washing their own diapers is a difficult proposition. The Diaper Service delivers clean diapers every week and take the dirty ones away. Diaper service is comparable in price to using disposables, but it’s better for the environment.

My mother, the baby’s Great Grandmother, is paying for the diaper service for the first few months. It makes her feel very useful! happyislanddiapers.com

3. The Yoyo2 stroller from BabyZen

Very compact, the Yoyo2 folds up in a snap to the size of a carry-on suitcase. Light enough for Chloë to lug up to their 3rd floor walk-up. There are several attachments for it: a bassinet for new babies, clips for the car-seat, a yoyo-board for the big-sibling when the next baby comes, even skis for deep snow! It’s steady, with a low centre of gravity, but easily manoeuvrable. It’s quite pricey, but several households pitched in at the baby shower and it seems to have been well worth it! babyzen.com/pages/yoyo2-stroller-birth

(Simon and Chloë recommend consulting this comparison chart on Reddit: reddit.com/r/beyondthebump/comments/z2qwrs/comparison_of_travel_strollers_details_in_the)

4. Herschel Settlement Sprout Backpack Diaperbag

This backpack comes in many colours. Trim and compact, with many separate compartments and a changing pad. Will need an extra wetbag if parents are using cloth diapers, but that’s easy enough to get (see #5). Both parents agreed they could carry this bag with confidence. So stylish that Simon’s fashionista Great-Aunt was happy to select it for the baby shower. westcoastkids.ca/settlement-sprout

5. Colibri Wet

Colibri is a Manitoba company with wetbags in a whole raft of sizes, colours and patterns. Good quality at a great price. Wetbags are useful for so much more than wet diapers. Bathing suits, toiletries, snacks, sandwiches. A great parenting hack! colibricanada.com/collections/regular-wet-bags

6. Beluga Baby Wrap

This Canadian company makes soft and stretchy sustainable bamboo fabric wraps, just over in Vancouver! While learning to use a baby wrap might seem scary, it’s really no more complicated than tying your shoelaces. Simon learned in an afternoon and loves to wear the baby around the house and out on walks in the neighbourhood. It really is the cosiest, easiest way to keep a baby soothed, while getting chores done, and a great way for parents to bond with the baby. belugababy.ca

7. The Make My Belly Fit Universal Jacket Extender

This is a brilliant idea, invented by a Dad in Montreal. It’s a panel that zips into most jackets to create space first for the growing pregnancy tummy, and later for the baby in a wrap or carrier. It has a removable fleece layer for colder climates. A really thoughtful gift that Chloe used all winter. And Simon can use it when he baby-wears too! makemybellyfit.com/products/universal-jacket-extender

8. ErgoPouch Cocoon Swaddle Sack

As Chloë said, this was clutch in the early days when baby needed to be swaddled to be comfortable but the parents were still figuring things out. Later, when the baby can roll over, you can open the sleeve holes so baby’s arms can be free. Being swaddled helps baby calm down because of the slight pressure on their body. And it also keeps them warm and cosy through the night. The ErgoPouch was invented by an Australian mom—Alina Sack! ergopouch.com/products/pouches

9. Organic Cotton Baby Gowns from Parade

I loved dressing my own babies in baby nightgowns. Not only did they look so cute and old-fashioned, but the nightgowns were so easy to pull up for diaper-changes in the dark. And no need to thread legs back into pants, or snap fasteners with sleepy fingers. The organic cotton gowns (and all sorts of other baby clothes) from Parade come in lots of colours and patterns, including a wide selection of genderneutral ones. And the cotton jersey is thick and warm and holds up to many many washes.

When I found out Chloë and Simon had not received any little gowns at the shower, I sent a batch of these off to them. They use them all the time. parade.ca/collections/organic-baby-gowns

10. Copper Pearl Premium Burp Cloths (in the Bloom pattern)

So pretty with their flowery pattern (and there are many other patterns to choose from), but also thick and absorbent to catch baby spit-up. A lower price-point item, always good to include on a baby shower wish-list. copperpearl.com/products/premium-burp-cloths-bloom

Bonus Item

Really more of an “Oh Wow you’re pregnant!” gift than a baby shower gift: A is for Advice (The Reassuring Kind): Wisdom for Pregnancy by Ilana Stanger-Ross. Ilana is a Registered Midwife in Victoria. Her book is full of up-to-date, evidence-based, gentle information and advice for pregnant parents. It’s wonderfully comforting and beautifully designed with great illustrations. I send it off (via bookstores on the internet) to anyone in my circle who gets pregnant. And they all love it.

Being a grandparent is full of surprises and joys. I didn’t expect to feel so moved by seeing my son parent his baby so sweetly, nor did I ever think about how I would feel to see my parents hold their first great-grandchild. I think that was a high point in my life.

With Simon and Chloë and the little one living so far away, I am going to be a Zoom-Ma, who checks in via the computer screen on the weekend. I will miss a lot, I know. But I certainly can engage in one of the time-honoured joys of grandparenting—shopping for the baby! Enjoy!

All settled at home 5 days grown.

Liam and Mila are officially back to their birth weight today and have made us so proud as we learn in baby steps how to navigate this new reality together. Despite being more comfortable in our beds, their dad, Mitch, and I barely slept a wink the first night home from the hospital, feeling so overprotective away from the reassuring call bell and medical support.

As new twin parents on that first night, we felt so scrambled trying to understand all that goes into these night feeds and stay on top of every moving part—figuratively and literally! Last night however, was a success story, with a broken-up six hours of sleep for us, great feeding intervals (one three-hour stretch) and I’m feeling like a new woman.

We’ve begun to streamline the process in our bedroom and have transformed it into our Zen sanctuary of comfort, white noise, meditation sounds playing continuously, a mini fridge stocked with water, snacks and room for milk storage. It takes a total team effort to get this job done and I’m so grateful for Mitch being so hands-on and how far we’ve come together already.

Through the blur of it all, I am practicing patience and compassion for myself, for my older son Hudson adjusting to the change, and I’m learning to let go of everything out of my control.

No matter how hard the journey gets, I feel complete, knowing that these twins chose me to be their mommy. Every passing hour we are growing and learning together. Every feed is a little more successful than the last because we are embracing flexibility. The teamwork I’ve established with their daddy has given me the needed confidence to press on along the unpredictable road ahead. It’s been scary and so very real with emotions running all over the place.

My life is forever changed and I’m navigating a very liberating acceptance with that. I’ll be endlessly grateful for these tiny blessings and for my body for enduring all that it has in creating, delivering and nourishing them.

One month in.

As is the case with newborn parenthood, there often comes a time when the chaos starts catching up with you. No matter how hard you prepare for it and lower your expectations, there it is. Unannounced and loud in your face like a freight train coming at you when you have nothing left.

We’re only one month in with the twins but I met eyes with this place last night. Dad was there to save me. Without a moment to eat my dinner, surround-sound crying started up with Mila and Liam who are needing to cluster feed and be held in the evenings, all while we try to get our sensitive and sweet older boy to bed at a decent hour without him holding a grudge.

Then, one twin won’t settle until the early hours and the whole schedule we’ve strived for all day is thrown off. My brain, already compounded with excessive sleep debt, finally gave up trying to fall into a slumber. I was up until 3am anticipating the next feed, and I felt very scared.

I can’t function when it gets this bad. The morning rolled around and dad took over as best as he could, got Hudson to daycare and I finally settled the twins beside me, breasts painfully engorged, feeling guilty to sleep in with them until nearly 11am. But that’s what I needed to exist today.

And I needed Mitch. I love him and the father he is to our three. I feel so grateful for the team that we have become on this journey. We pull each other’s weight when the other is lower, and so far, it’s been working.

To any moms struggling with this kind of stuff, I see you. From no support to more support, we’re all fighting a different battle for our little blessings and it’s so important to remember that we’re in this together.

The highs and lows of two newborns with a four-and-a-half-year-old dynamic is insane. Some days we’re rocking it—or at least it feels like we’re not drowning. We’re loving the novel nuances of having this full, multi-faceted family.

Other days feel like complete and total chaos in that we’re totally outnumbered as parents—by our six-week-old twins revving up equal parts cuteness and inconsolable evenings; and by our Hudson whose whole world flipped upside down, and whose parents are too exhausted to help him turn that world right side up again.

Good friends of mine told me the other day that they are having a baby. It’s amazing, hearing that news and seeing their excitement. I was still thinking about it that evening when I was changing a diaper and accidentally thrust my fingers into a mound of soft excrement.

“Congrats, me,” I muttered to myself as I stared at my fingers, coated in what no human’s fingers should ever be coated in.

It made me think I needed to warn my friends about the meconium poop. You know the one, the black ooze that your baby births not long after they’ve been birthed, the alien horror that can give heart attacks if arrived unannounced.

Changing that diaper, I stopped and stared off into space for a minute, toddler staring at me confused, wondering what I was doing with fingers covered in poo and staring blankly at the wall, but truth be told by that point, I was wondering if my friends were going to use cloth or disposable diapers and wondering if we have old cloth ones we can give them.

Poop slowly hardening on my fingers, I snapped out of it and tried to remember what was safer: leaving the kid on the bed and washing my hand (risk: him falling off the bed; reward: poo off fingers faster) or finish changing kid and then wash my hand (risk: good god man; reward: toddler lives to terrorize another day). Always one to make a half-assed decision that is somehow the worst of all worlds, I kinda literally popped half of my body into the neighbouring bathroom, while keeping one of my feet in the bedroom, as if prepping to steal a base, when really I’m just prepping excuses in my head as to how he fell off the bed that didn’t involve the phrase “wanted to get poo off my fingers.”

So, I kinda washed my fingers too quickly, if we’re being honest here, so I could whip the top half of my body back in the room as if none of this ever happened. Of course, I snapped my torso around so fast it felt like Andre the Giant had grabbed my skull and smashed it against the wall, which happens, because I forgot the wall was there because there was poo, and also there was a toddler in a maybe-precarious position.

I tried not to swear, but probably did, re-adjusted my glasses, remembered the poo even though it was history, whipped my hand away from my face, and looked at my kid, who was just staring at me, not having moved an inch throughout the whole ordeal. I laughed like a complete maniac for no reason, then went blank as I caught sight of and stared at the crib next to our bed, the crib that these days gets used as…well, nothing, actually. It’s just been sitting there forever.

Yeah, we’ve had that crib for a long time, so long that parts of it may no longer be legal to sell in Canada, so I started wondering about things like expiration dates on car seats and I wondered if there’s some weird underground black market for parents for stuff like this, but I really don’t want to know. I’ve already told my friend that car seats expire, a bizarre fact he was unaware of, but isn’t parenting in 2022 full of bizarre facts we were all previously unaware of?

But the poo on the fingers, man, that goes back. Since the dawn of time, parents have accidentally rammed their fingers into piles of poo, and the sensation never fails to horrify me. It’s a horrifying, horrifying thing that no one ever warned me about. There absolutely will come a time when there is poo under your fingernails and you have to work to get it out.

Oh man, I didn’t check under my fingernails.

Uh, anyway, all of which is to say, congrats, you two. And watch out for that meconium poop.

Although becoming a parent comes with countless ups and downs, many enter parenthood with eyes wide open to some of the challenges of taking care of a new baby. They have heard other parents talk about how peace and quiet will be in short supply and dirty diapers and sleepless nights will become the norm. However, diapers and sleep were rarely listed among the top concerns for new parents interviewed by researchers from the Department of Psychology at the University of Victoria.

Instead, new moms and dads were more likely to talk about the parts of parenthood less often mentioned in popular media and in public imagination:

• They talked about the frustration of waiting in line at walk-in clinics because they were without family doctors, or of calling daycares over and over again just to get put on a waitlist.

• They described being surprised by the challenges of breastfeeding, a process that they had been told would be “natural” and “easy.”

• They talked about isolation, a challenge new parents faced long before the COVID-19 pandemic put an end to many in-person services.

These are some of the experiences first-time parents shared during 20 interviews in 2019 and early 2020. Fourteen new moms and six new dads were interviewed to gain a better understanding of the resources available to parents in the Victoria area and to pinpoint where they could use greater support. The interviews were part of the larger “Perinatal Resources for Parents” (PeRC) study, funded by a University of Victoria Internal Research Grant awarded to Dr. Erica Woodin.

The biggest challenges mentioned by most parents related to ongoing, systemic issues in the Victoria area such as the high cost of living, lack of family doctors, and shortage of childcare spaces. Most parents in the study did not have family doctors and found themselves waiting in line at walk-in clinics and receiving minimal continuation of care. Even early childhood vaccinations were difficult to come by, with local Public Health Units booking far in advance. Parents frequently had to make use of same day appointments to get their vaccinations, which meant calling the Health Unit each morning until they were able to secure an appointment.

Similar to the lack of available doctors, parents also expressed frustration surrounding the lack of available childcare in Victoria. When asked about childcare, many parents admitted they were still on waitlists and worried about being about to return to work once their parental leave was over. Those who had secured spots had placed their child on waitlists before they were even born, a practice some parents found out was commonplace only too late.

“I realized when he was…a couple months old already,” said one participant, “that we should’ve been on top of this and then that’s just one more thing that I had to worry about.”

Parents were equally surprised by an aspect of parenting that many had never thought to worry about: breastfeeding. Almost all parents in the study expressed concerns around breastfeeding and about half noted it was a primary area of difficulty for them or their partner during early parenthood.

Many were quick to point out that there are ample resources for breastfeeding parents in Victoria but that they had to access several services before issues with breastfeeding resolved. For others, despite accessing many services, breastfeeding continued to be difficult or had to be discontinued. Parents were often surprised by how difficult breastfeeding was or felt shame in being unable to feed their child.

“Before you have a baby, you assume that it’s natural and that it’s easy, and that’s how babies eat, and that it should just happen like that,” said one parent. “It doesn’t. It’s so challenging and, despite the fact that it’s natural, you have to have all of your ducks lined up for it work smoothly.”

Although all parents faced unique challenges, common threads such a trouble with breastfeeding and barriers to accessing medical and childcare services emerged in the interviews. Along with a clear need for greater local resources to support health care access and childcare availability, participants also said they would benefit from messages that normalize the challenges of breastfeeding and de-stigmatize some women’s inability to breastfeed.

Check out more information on local parent and family resources and about research being conducted by the University of Victoria’s Healthy Relationships Lab at: onlineacademiccommunity.uvic.ca/healthyrelationshipslab.

A few weeks ago, I met my sister and 15-month-old nephew for a walk in the woods. I hadn’t seen them as much I would like, due to COVID safety restrictions, but felt compelled to spend time with my favourite baby, so we sanitized, put on our masks and headed out for some socially-distanced time in nature.

Very conscious that my mask covered the lower half of my face, I tried to express my joy at seeing my nephew with my body language and overly excited tone of voice. (The phrase “apple of my eye” takes on a whole new meaning when that’s the only part of your face which can convey emotion. Can he tell, by my eyes, that I’m smiling?) As he wobbled up to me, on unsteady toddler legs, I bent down to greet him and the very first thing he did was reach for my mask and pulled it off.

This tiny gesture, made by tiny hands, set my brain a-whirling. I have an academic background in human development and the researcher in me was awakened. Did my nephew reach for my mask because it looked silly and he wanted to touch it? Or did he reach for my mask because he longed to see my face?

Being born only months before our first national quarantine, my nephew knows no other way of life. His first experiences on this planet have been of faces covered in masks. My sister told me that he naturally extends his hands for sanitizer when he sees his parents applying their own. I wondered, how is COVID affecting the development of small children? My natural curiosity soon turned an ugly corner into anxious fretting.

What will become of a generation of toddlers who could not see facial expressions? Who cannot spend time around family? Who are being raised to avoid skin to skin contact with people other than their parents and siblings? Will COVID become this generation’s childhood trauma?

Could there possibly be anything good that comes of this?

After some serious brooding, I concluded that almost all generations are shaped by childhood trauma and that most of us rise above it. Some of us even use these experiences to better ourselves and our society. My grandparents’ childhoods were marked by war and famine. As a result, they became resilient and self-sufficient.

Our society became acutely aware of safety and vowed to work tirelessly to prevent another war. My parents were raised in the civil rights era, a time when violence was ripping Band-aids off previously accepted culture. My parents grew up to become open minded and accepting. Our society created new standards for human rights. I was raised in a generation which experienced Columbine and 9/11. Fear was the predominant emotion felt by most adults at that time society became aware that fear, unleashed, can create a dangerous us versus them mentality or, recognized, can be used as inspiration to come together in community.

Yes, this generation of children are being raised in a time unlike we have seen before. Yes, that certainly has its drawbacks and limitations. However, when I sat down to truly think about my nephew’s experience, thus far, I was able to discover some benefits. For instance, my sister’s husband, who works in the movie business, was able to stay home for more than 6 months shortly after his son was born. How many children are able to spend their first months in life with both mom and dad to care for them? When I had children, my husband was able to take one week off to spend with us.

Children all over the world are spending more time with their parents than ever before. People are watching movies together, playing games, reading books and going for walks. This, if you asked me, far outweighs the temporary cancellation of swimming lessons, toddler playdates and music groups. This generation of children is less likely to be latch-key kids (as I was), or day care kids (like my children were). They will have a strong foundation of being raised by parents who are able to spend quality time with them. Families are more present and connected than they have been in generations. That’s got to mean something, right?

While the researcher in me will continue to be curious about the impact of COVID on toddler development, I am doing so with hope and not fear. I am certain that COVID will affect family dynamics and a child’s perception of the world, however, I am also certain that these children will rise above it all to create something beautiful as a result of the lessons we are all learning during this time.

Babies prefer baby talk in any language, but particularly when it’s in a language they’re hearing at home, according to a new study including close to 700 babies on four continents. The research, published in the journal Advances in Methods and Practices in Psychological Science, showed that all babies respond more to infant-directed speech— baby talk—than they do to adult-directed speech. It also revealed that babies as young as six months can pick up on differences in language around them.

The study involved 17 labs on four continents—in Canada, the United States, Europe, Australia and Singapore—and tested 333 bilingual and 385 monolingual children. Babies were separated into groups of 6-9-month-olds and 12-15-month-olds. The bilingual babies shared at least one of their two languages with the monolinguals.

Each baby was played short, pre-recorded tapes of English-speaking mothers using infant-directed and adult-directed speech. The researchers then measured each baby’s looking time while those recordings were playing.

Although infants exposed to many different languages showed the same listening preference, those babies who came from homes in which English was spoken paid even more attention to the infant-directed speech. The more familiar they were with the language, the more they liked that infant-directed speech. So a baby who is hearing English 75 per cent of the time in their home would show a greater preference than a baby who is hearing English 25 per cent of the time.

“No! da yewo pwate!” screeched two-year-old Katie as she knocked the plate off the table, sending apple slices everywhere, crying so hard that she was gasping for air.

Jules, her mom, was confused and frustrated by Katie’s behaviour. The apple had started out on a blue plate, but when Katie asked for the yellow one, Jules switched them, only to have it rejected when she put it down in front of her daughter.

This scene is reminiscent of the tantrum videos popular on social media: the child who cries because a broken cracker can’t be fixed, or because they are told they can’t do something they didn’t actually want to do.

We see these tantrums as unreasonable responses from children who are tired or hungry or not feeling well and so can’t deal with their emotions.

But Katie wasn’t sick or tired or hungry. And she had gotten exactly what she asked for. Or at least, that’s what her mother thought. It turned out that what Katie meant by ‘yewo pwate’ was a multi-coloured plate with no yellow on it at all. She had the wrong meaning for “yellow” in her mind. But from her perspective, she had communicated her wants to her mother, her mother had said she was going to give her what she wanted, and then she was given the wrong plate. To Katie, it seemed like her mother was one being unreasonable!

Miscommunications like this can be at the root of tantrums more often than you might think. Figuring out what words mean is hard, and words that don’t refer to concrete objects are especially tricky. To understand yellow, for instance, you have to understand that the person isn’t talking about the object, they are talking about a property of the object, a property that can look quite different on different objects (for example, a yellow banana is a different colour than a yellow bean).

Words that refer to things that you can’t see at all, like “think” or “sad,” are even more difficult. In our house, the word “hungry” was the cause of a tantrum more than once. The word came up a lot as my son didn’t much like to eat—it got in the way of doing more interesting things. We could often tell he was hungry because of his mood, but when we said he was hungry and needed to eat, he would insist that he wasn’t. And he would get increasingly upset at us for saying it, sometimes to the point of a tantrum—which was of course, made more likely because of his hunger!

Eventually I figured out that he didn’t understand what hungry meant and didn’t want to say he was something he might not be. When I explained that hungry meant having a grumbly sore tummy that wanted food he said “Oh, I feel like that a lot! I guess I do get hungry.” And with that, our tussles over “being hungry” ended.

I should have recognized earlier that language was at the root of our “hungry” problem. After all, child language development is my specialization. But you can learn from my failing.

Try to figure out what your child is trying to tell you. Tell them you don’t quite understand, but want to, and ask them to show you what they want if they can. On the other side of things, make sure that they understand what you are saying. They might think you mean something you don’t and that might be the issue.

Sorting out a miscommunication might have to wait until after the tantrum ends when your child is calm and ready to talk, but if you’re lucky, you can fix things before the tantrum starts. And if you’re not so lucky, the post-tantrum time is a perfect opportunity to help your child understand those especially tricky emotion words. You can explain what sad or mad or frustrated feel like, tell them that you feel those things sometimes too and what you do to deal with your own negative emotions.

It might take a while, but these conversations will help your child learn to deal with emotions without tantrums. And you’ll get a chance to see things from their perspective in the meantime.